will blog soon. busy like a bee. i know how's it like working again. badly sick, my voice sounds like a man now :O

/edited. post is coming up!

i will never show my feelings. that's me.
i guess it will never come true.
what shld i do?

are they dreams afterall?

monday (19/7) & tuesday (20/7)
work as usual. everyday receiving all kinds of food.. i ate food from msia, hokkiado, USA.. still got more lol. they went holiday, came back all give whole office, 60 over pple ._. today got the stuffs from japan, den still got royce choco dunno from where. plus wang wang stuffs lol. i ate fan cai, raisin cream today from barcook or what, den bought apple strudel also lol. ate with mayyi on monday. i lost about 2kg when i started work, but now gained back 1kg.

sunday (18/7)
parents left in the afternoon for business trip to KL, back on wed early evening. since im working now, cant drive my bro to interchange or buy breakfast etc.. so the car will be parked in the carpark for 4 days lol. for dinner, both sis and i cooked, she's doing the frying while i put those ingredients in.. monday is here again, work tmr but i enjoy working there.. everyone is older than me except 2. mostly married with kids even at my section here, 25 to 29 of age, married with kids aw if not attached. i wonder where's mine :o seeing my parents so loving till now, 24 years of marriage, still as sweet and loving, holding hands even when they're outside etc.. now sachi doggie is sleeping on my bed lol, so cute. when i slept in the late afternoon till 8pm, she was sleeping on my bed with me too. right now, parents r still paying phone bills but mine is student plan, i cant wait for work to officially start, to be fully financially independent.

saturday (17/7)

it was a great day. shall not say much. main highlight is the dinner at nite. parents fetched their business ang moh prinicipal from australia from holiday inn hotel in orchard. i went down with mum to the lobby and waited for her. she came and i greeted her "nice to meet you" haha and shaked her hands. thruout the journey, my mum talked to her, with me joining in as well as she asked me how's it working in a bank. reached jumbo @ east coast finally. sat at sea side, so nice! we had kang kong, thai style garupa, claypot tofu, chilli crab, black pepper crab, man tou, drunken prawns, crispy sweet sour pork ribs.. foc fruits cos the boss is my mum's ex colleague.. both the ang moh and i busy using my dad's iphone cos she wanna show us how her hse looks like in australia and we're figuring out how to do certain stuffs lol, den both of us holding to the phone and looking.. den im attending to her, seeing if she finishes her napkins etc.. we sent her back to holiday inn.

fri (16/7)

in the morning, the lady incharged of our salary, etc came to talk to me about the salary stuffs.. den she said i dun nid my salary urgently arh? i said dun nid, den she said how come, ask money from parents. i was like no, i support myself for very long already, i dont take at all even if they give me. den she said aiya cos my clothes all dun nid to buy, also share with mum de. so i said yeah.. den she told me to wear cardigan, dont so sexy sexy LOL, later boss scold ._. my colleagues asked me what she told me, i told them and all started laughing.. den fire drill. i was super excited about it cos two UOB plazas are having fire drill but guess what. i was told not to go down cos i need to input some impt stuffs with another colleague which we learnt from the fund manager and they need it urgently. but in the end, our system was logged out too since it was idle for long and we do not have the pw, only our VP has. hence me and two other colleagues chatted.. she decided to buy one tights from my mum haha. in the end, they came back with ice-cream roars lol. den i kept saying, kept sighing why i cant go down lol, my colleagues kept laughing non-stop. i simply like my working environment though is stressed but the pple there are all nice!

thurs (15/7)

meet-up with 2 frens ever since early jan this year. had a great time. met at plaza sing, decided on manhatten fish market. went best denki with one (A) first, bigbro spotted me lol. we queued up for manhatten quite long den soon another fren B came.. den B suggested watching movie, so used A's iphone to check.. den A and me went up booked tixs, second row from front, Despicable Me at 9pm lol. soon it was our turn to eat at 8pm.. not bad food. ate till about 8.40pm, then left for movie. laughed like mad lol. home sweet home, plaza became like a ghost town. we took train back tog since all staying at north east.

just some thoughts for the day. we will never know what's gonna happen in the future, only God. indeed many stuffs change, some for the better while some for the worst. even though im at work, faced with those colleagues everyday, however it does not change the face that i still.. and now everything seems nothing. im trying all kinds of ways to hide it, to appear unconcerned yet deep down i so much wanted to... it's 2 months alr :O and my gosh, my frens around me all working in banks zz. 2 at citibank, 1 at barclays, 1 at ocbc, 1 at uob, 1 at hong leong etc..

monday (12/7)
shall post everything tmr. super tired. wanna watch finals last nite but didnt or else i'll be like a zombie in my office, cant do my work at all like the auditor, staring at his com, den dozing off many times. super funny cos he watched soccer last nite. everywhere i go now, i see the word octopus ._. i really wonder if it's really true or just coincidental.. but i know that only God can forsee the future. there's an application in facebook that states "Ask Prophet Paul the Octopus" lol!!! the funniest part is the bird in little india dots. when godbro told me that, i was laughing..

i love the floral & leopard prints tops & the black fluffy skirt. aw.

today is sat, i dont feel like going out lol. dog gets another fit all of a sudden when someone rang the door bell, she was so excited & dashing out of my room with me, barking and suddenly fell to the floor where her newspaper was in a fit. she's unable to walk, lying motionless on the floor. i was so scared, she kept whining. i quickly opened the door to get the food my neighbour made. sachi was wriggling all over the newspaper, unable to stand at all, den swimming position with her front paws wading, i quickly carried her up.. so sad. it's like the number 6 or 7 times i saw her in a fit le at home. so carried her and cuddle, let her relax.. she's shivering and shaking like mad. and soon she's alright.. time to bathe my hamsters again. and perhaps bathe sachi. i said i wanna make a maze for hamsters, yet i've not done it hais. guess i'll make a trip to hougang mall to buy my lunch.

yest was just another day at work and im so stressed though i love what im doing now, since it will be beneficial to me.. saw my sec sch classmate again, she's on an internship at uob by nus or smu, cant rmb which uni she's in. bought a cotton on cap last nite :O i like the color haha.

last thurs, 8/7 it was another wierd thingy at work. this other auditor came over & he told the auditor (let's name him J) that's sitting opposite me to change place, saying he shldnt let it affect him. it was just question marks in my head. den he insisted on J going over to his place to sit, and he immediately brought his laptop all over zzz. den J packed up, went over to his place. den this auditor just wore his ear piece and just did his work, it was so unusual for him to wear his earpiece. enuff of work. actually wanna go best denki myself to change my webcam because it was spoilt. in the end, coincidentally, godbro asked if i wanna go zara sales on fri. in the end, i decided that we shall go. after work, met at raffles place, headed to taka. at best denki, they needed like 3 pple just to check my webcam ._. one guy insisted there's CD driver, i said no there isnt, he can check other boxes if he wants to. another guy said my webcam is working alr. i told him on the first day he worked, but next day it didnt work at all on skype. i insisted on changing to the logitech brand and top up the difference but he said there isnt any problem with mine. if i still wanna change, i must pay 10% of the webcam price i bought initially too. i wasnt happy, decided to go to vacuum side to find my ex colleague vincent since i saw him last fri when i bought it. i saw so little pple at vacuum side again. i wonder where all the pple are gone to these 2 years. there were like more than 10 of us at there, it was like a market place. now only 2 or 3 lol? tried my luck to find vincent but didnt see him. turned my head away, suddenly i heard someone calling my name. my gosh is shaowei!!!! still as tall, handsome & thin with that angmoh look haha. ahh. both me and him ate lunch everyday tog at lucky plaza when i was working in best denki.. i was new in best denki and the vacuum side are all guys dots. beside my hand-held vacuum column was lighting, fridges, washing machines, all guys also, mostly 18 to 24. at that time i was 20. i still rmb brobro and R always asking me go for tea break tog, den we'll be sitting at taka canteen.. or sometimes i'll go with R to help buy stuffs for everyone.. den still rmb J at washing machine section, teasing me & questioning me whenever he sees me with different.. but it was super chaotic, my life was so complicated in there. it was a nice experience working there but super drama. back to the story, shaowei walked over with me & helped me haha. in the end i dont have to pay the extra 10%. thanks! after best denki, went ajisen to eat with godbro, ate cha siew ramen as usual.. went zara to see the sales after that, mostly M and L size. den headed to ion, went topshop/topman, zara, etc.. everywhere's sales.. i love the hats and caps at topman! just tried for fun. after window shopping was back home. parents fetched me at hougang station since they're there eating.

z nearly tripped over sachi doggie cos she's chasing after me but ran into my path when i said "let's go" haha. she's so cute, always wanna sayang her every morning at parent's room. just now my dad is saying he's like a taxi-driver again when i met him at hougang mall just now after my work. he's so sick now, not recovering, yet.. decides to play the piano few days back for wedding dress song & others, recorded it using dad's iphone, shall post one day.

im glad my colleagues are nice to me and they always stuff me with food z.. but there's overtime everyday last 2 weeks.. dog has been vomiting and poo-ing non-stop yest & today, and yest i kept having diarrhoea. i wonder if it's the wheat bread we ate :O today had two funny encounters at office. firstly was the guy who borrowed the trolley, he's working at the opposite unit for UOB though both units are joined to be one big unit. he wanna borrow the trolley at printing room where everyone will collect what they've printed. he came over to ask me if he can borrow the trolley. i was stunned cos the trolley is the property of the bank not me lol plus im just a new staff, he also knows. so i asked my colleague shouting across whose trolley is that, she said aloud can borrow.. so he went to take.. after that, he came back to return the trolley. i was asking one colleague about some work stuffs & he was explaining to me. suddenly that guy stopped infront of my desk and said thank you for the trolley. i was shocked, i seriously gave the stunned look den mumbled oh ok, dots ._. at 6.30pm, when i went back to my seat from toilet, i was surprised to see the 2 auditors there cos that particular auditor sitting infront of me was gone for the whole afternoon. den they were mumbling something i know and looking, i just refused to look at them. the other auditor said so loudly "you dont need me to spell out everything for you right" infront of me. den the auditor who sat infront of me didnt reply him.. -.- i wonder what was going on zz. im an introvert towards guy lol, in my office, i gave guys the cold shoulders but to all my female colleagues, im always joking & chatting with them happily haha.

everything happens for a reason. the more i wish for, the more it distants from me. i feel so helpless for the first time. i love to advise my frens, be a listening ear but yet i myself has so much problems in this area. time flys so fast, it has been near 10 months. Thank God for everything, for letting me move on. I just trust in Him for i know He gives the best to His children.i wanna talk to u but i am afraid.

my dad is sick since 2 days ago, he just called and said think he's not even recovering den saying he's a like a taxi driver for the whole day :/ anyway i think it's fun to take train, i dont really like my dad to fetch me even when im studying in school. now, i've started work since 11th june, i take train myself to work and back from work everyday though i sleep like 4 to 6 hours daily haha, i just stand & sleep in the train. every morning, my routine super standard. wake up, brush up, bathe, up to parents room, den sachi doggie gives that kind of cute innocent look den ears all down, tail also shake abit cos she's still in her dreams lol. den will be able to see she's trying to get out of basket den dont know whether to get out, den i'll tell her "let's go", den she'll jump up and kept shajiao, put two front paws on me den must sayang her. today i was busy looking for clothes in mum room hence when i said "let's go", she woke up and came to me, but i didnt sayang her. she used her front paws and kept pulling my arms, kept scatching non-stop till my hands are pain hence i stopped finding the clothes and sayang her lol till she has enough of it. den basic make-up for 5 to 10 mins, off to work.sigh i miss you.

i realised i didnt blog much abt my sister's bday & father's day which fall on the same day. on 20th june 12.10am, i gave her a surprise, using choco bread and skittles to do this. while i was doing, when it was 12.00am, i quickly rushed back to my room to wish her thru sms & on her fb wall lol. i also did a card for her with some pics in it, did it for past 2 weeks, more details in fb album. gave her 50 bucks also as present, more practical. she gave me a chanel perfume this year as my 22nd & 21st bday gift. so next year, her 21st coming, more surprise for her. next day was church with parents only, lunch after that. dad went home first with sis's cake while i secretly collected dad's cake & took bus home myself. dad saw the cake, no choice. parents went out, hurriedly did the big board for dad. den let siblings write on the card.
nite time was buffet dinner at some hotel, forgot name also zz, best ever eaten buffet, better than pan pacific, park royal cny buffet.. cake-cutting at nite..

surprise for sis at midnite
card+album for sis.
super big board for dad.

left is sis's cake, dad's right.
alr blogged about last thurs (1/7), went out with 4 of them.. den bought hamsters food & treats..

fri (2/7) - colleague gave me this hokkiado bread, caramel de cos i mentioned it in office so my colleague went buy.. den plus the pong pia from malacca.

after work, met L.. it took us a long time to decide where to eat. we decided on ion but all long queues hence went ngee ann best denki to search for our webcams plus his mike. den we're quite fickle minded. went ion to see again, long queue at imperial kitchen. went far east take a look, all full zz. i saw many familiar faces again ._. after walking so long, finally ate at 9++ i guess and it's back to imperial kitchen lol. oh ya went cotton on body to buy lingeries for mum, sis and me LOL. super erm ^^

oh ya thanks Q for the faceshop stuffs from korea (: blusher and masks.sat (3/7) - didnt go anywhere, decided not to go ndp rehearsal, too many stuffs to do.

sun (4/7) - church with mum only. den dad fetched us, bought lunch back home. rushed for the toy story 3 movie at 2.40pm. super touching. love this movie. i cried :/ but nobody knows lol. saw my schmate. den walked round suntec. saw paige chua, michelle chong and glenn ong. home sweet home. had a nice time chatting with xy. next twilight saga..

im too lazy to blog, everytime i log in but just leave it there. many grammatical errors i guess since im blogging fast without reading it. shall upload pics next time. it gonna be a super long post starting from 17/6 about my job, sister's bday & father's day, desaru trip, meeting up with frens. there's OT everyday lol but only for 30 mins to an hour but there's extra pay! im so sleepy everyday, slept for 4 to 6 hours daily only. everytime im squeezing like sardine on the train & i stood there sleeping lol. anyone at raffles place during lunch hour o.o? tmr going out with L after work.. have not decided place hmph. //why i told u that i decided to stop that because i didnt want my life to be complicated and messy again in that area. there's always false hopes, i cant take anymore shocks.

1/7 - work was great today, completed what i needed to do at 5.40pm hence i decided to do filing for them, so many to file again cos everyday we do plenty of lots and portfolios. i did the measurement today for the whole mth of june, i counted 5444 lots & 1000 plus portfolios for the measurement -.- did dividends & cash coupon transactions as usual. bought from the famous bread shop in raffles xchange since i always see long queues during lunch, decided to queue for it today to buy home for all to try. after work went home since it's still early. bro and i took went hougang mall to meet R, Y & Y's bro and J. ate dinner & catch up with each other.. bro didnt talk at all since he only knows J haha. we went hougang mall after that as i needed to buy hamster food and treats den renewed the card as well since it expired. home sweet home.

30/6 - pretty restless everyday. walked with colleague to clarke quay since he asked if i wanna learn how to walk to that station. so i just followed and alighted at hougang, and he at buangkok.

29/6 - i was so distracted at work hais.. saw sec 2 classmate at DMK raffles xchange, working at uob too. decided to meet godbro at ion, ended work at 6.45pm, met bro at raffles place station den we reached ion at 7.20pm. went ion food court to eat. my gosh just that nite at ion saw so many familiar pple -- my junior, pri sch best fren & bsf fren, junior's frens, sec 2 classmate, mum's fren & family, sec school senior ._.

28/6 - though it was dreadful to wake up in the early morning, it was enjoyable at work. bought a pair of heels z.

26/6 - Desaru Trip. woke up at 4am though i slept at 1am z. set off at 5.25am from home. reached around 5.50am.. soon the tour guide came, got up the coach, altogether 6 buses. went for breakfast first, ate prata, not bad.. den to kota tinggi museum, nth much lol. and to desaru fruit farm.. talks about honey.. had lunch there. splendid. so much food k but too many houseflies hence we couldnt eat in peace. there was buffet lunch as well as durian, nonya kueh & fruit feast, unlimited of them.. after that was ostrich farm.. most ostrich de. den dinner soon -.- chilli crab, lobster, canned abalone, green veg, sharkfin soup, deer meat, steamed fish, etc.. off to jetty for fireflies tour. super nice k. and everyone was saying that nite full moon hence the sky may be bright.. we set off at 7.30pm, guess what, the moon was so big and it was a crescent. everyone was wondering why -.- in the end, the following day i read on newspaper, it was lunar eclipse -.- i didnt take photos ARGH. but anyway we couldnt take any pics too, they told us not to take, no idea why. saw the fireflies so beautiful. the whole stretch of river are trees & bushes and mostly filled with fireflies. can u imagine, it's like sparkling christmas trees? after that, we headed back to singapore. cant believe we walked from furama hotel to chinatown station den took flights of stairs down, no escalator down -.- 4 of us carrying 8 big bags of food.. den we stood throughout the journey, someone gave up seat to grandma when we entered the train. salute to grandma, she can walk for so long. for the whole day, we're walking all the way for 14 hours on rocky roads. the roads are filled with stones dots and i wore heels the whole day >.< anyway more details of the trip, do visit http://www.desaruff.com/ it's really worth it.

25/6 - after work, met R, J, QY at Ion. met QY first den J came soon after.. walked round ion to take a look, wanna buy tako balls de den queued up halfway, R called me and said he reached le. we went dont know which jap place to eat lol -.- i never take note of the name :/ after that we went far east to walk and see. went Style to try the clothes.. nice but i didnt buy lol. home sweet home. grandma slept with me tonite since the desaru trip was the next day.

the lady on leave was back last thurs (17/6). we were noisy unknowingly & was so engrossed in jokes when we're working of course but there's too much info in my head that im mixing everything up. my desk is facing the auditor while the 6 of them are in one column.. so i roll my chair here and there.. my nickname by 2 of them is wild rabbit LOL. i left at 6pm+++.. friday (18/6) was another happy day with colleagues who are jokers, most of them are married though but they're young mothers haha, mostly 25/26 years old. after work was meeting mum den went off with her to kovan, order sis's cake.. den i secretly went order father's day cake.. ate steamboat at coffeeshop. nite time busy making sis's card.. den thinking of ideas also. sat was just buying dad's stuffs, making sis's stuffs, bought a pair of shoes shucks, i spent money again. dinner with parents at hougang mall. sunday morning was church with parents, lunch at kovan. dad collected sis's cake & went home. dinner at some hotel which was really good. my gosh, best buffet dinner ever eaten. better than the park royal CNY buffet dinner, pan pacific hotel buffet also.. and whatever buffets i went.

i dont like to fight for the things i want.. im afraid after hoping for too much, everything was just a dream. i guess now it is? im so afraid.