things are getting better :]

maid was sent back to agency for some reasons.

hais wishing that i would be cared for yet it's not the people i want it from.

i am missing you so much. thinking of you all day long. wondering what are u doing now. fate brought us together just remembering how we met each other despite the 20 channels all occupied at that time. i have just one simple wish, wishing you are back to me. right now i have decided to wait, no one can stop me. it's different from my past when it wasnt love at all hence waiting is useless. But for you i know u once loved me. how about now? i cried at store for more than 5 times there were more than 50 promoters there, all saw me crying only some know i am crying because i am thinking of you. it's the worst pain i ever experienced because u are the first who truly loves me and makes me feel like i am your only one. I thought that i will be alright since i am working, work will occupy my mind. WRONG, instead i didnt even promote anything at all because my whole mind is filled with you only. the supervisor saw me missing for many times and for very long. i was hiding at one corner of the store crying, i want to stop myself from crying, i stopped but immediately i cried again when i think of you. some people walked past and got a shock cos i was hiding at a corner. they thought they met a ghost or what cos my whole face was red and my eyes were totally red as well moreover it was at a corner which they cant see unless they turn back.
right now all i can do is to wait. I WILL BE AND I AM ALREADY WAITING.

Wishing that you are by my side,

Hoping that this will be real.

Arrows piercing through my heart

Whenever i feel green with jealousy.

Nothing of this has been felt before in my life,

You are the first one who is able to do that.

The feeling is totally different from my past,

It's not anger but pure jealousy.

Things are not as simple as it is,

It isnt a day's happening.

Crying will not make you come back,

But at least that's the only way for me to pour out.

If keeping everything in my heart,

I am not sure if i will turn crazy one day.

I really thank God for bringing you into my life,

At least you are the only one i have no regrets at all.

this which i sent to you before may.

Growing with you each day,
You are my everything.
Over all tides and waves,
Happy is still what we are.
Over all tests and hurdles,
No matter what happens,
Guohong, guohong
UR MINE!

sigh everyday i am crying i feel so hurt when the person i love most scolded me rudely. if it is a friend scolding you, u will already feel so terrible what more yr love one who scolded you.

the counter is there. yes from 800 over days decreasing to 600 over already. im determined! soon my second year will start and after which need to really study hard, do well for exams, year 2 has ended. by the time left 360 over days only.. so excited. then 3rd year over left 30 over days. now im thinking, counter is wrong alr.. shld be year 2011. more days added sigh. think after uni i'll do masters, just nice when he comes out. hais why is my character like that. in real life, im known to be a quiet and timid person. ask all my pri and sec sch frens, im well known in sch for one of the quietest and guai girl. thinking back, time really pass so fast..

reflecting back on the past mths, thinking the times when we were so happy talking on msn everyday. i was so glad abt my name in his phone. my msges thruout his inbox. when my exams came, he helped me alot. at least someone was there to motivate me, prevent me from touching the computer hence i never update my blog nor even go in msn at all. it's surprising that i didnt use the com much. yep it's for my own good for him to do that. my mum for that few mths didnt scold me at all regarding the computer. never ever. i should tone down myself when im online. my real life personality and online personality is so different. indeed when pple is online they will tend to talk whatever they want to since they're not facing the person. for example when im in ms, if someone provokes me, i'll scold the person like mad, shoot that person non stop. however in real life for example my workplace, the person provokes me, i didnt even dare to scold back. i just ignored. real life is real life, virtual is virtual. still rmb the past, during that 1 mth, i didnt even quarrel with the person at all. not even one small quabble. i dont even dare to talk much hence we're outside, the whole atmosphere so wierd. i only quarrelled with him after ending. quarrelled thru online not real life. real life i dont even dare say all these. in real life, i dont quarrel with pple at all. NONE! real life my behaviour is like.. hmm.. pple call me qian jin xiao jie. totally different.

today my mood was up and down. up cos he told me to stay to see him level. omgosh i was so happy =] immediately my mood went up by so much, i was no longer sad. later after that juz only sigh im really sorry. i was too agitated. i talk to pple on phone also different. real life i tend to hide from pple and run away. im shy. during work i stand at my counter never talk to the promoters. one came over and ask me why u dont wan come over and talk not bored meh. i said no not bored ma, juz stand there and dream. i was thinking of him, thinking of him is good enough why go over and talk to them. juz one more time, i cant provoke him. why am i so easily jealous, i must think of the past when i did just the same. yeah i know how he feels but only now then i know it. sighh too late le. i must get the taste of it then i know. ok just endure and close one eye. i must rmb we're frens though 3 years deal is on. still rmb that time get married, i still talking on the phone with him. so nice :] thinking of the scene makes me so happy, grinning from ear to ear. alright i go sleep le.

my mum scolded me like hell for playing ms every single day. problem is what can i do? i wanna win them not only that, that's the only chance of me talking to him. everyone in my family said im addicted. nope im not at all. if there're other ways of communicating with each other, why i bother going in there to play all the time. hais last nite i cant sleep kept thinking of what happened inside there. still rmb he asking pple to accompany him. what am i there for then? so what she's alr married? what if i asked ku to pei me isnt it wierd? not only that still ask if she's his best fren. i feel so rejected and so terrible. last nite cant sleep kept crying. now eyes swollen. is God trying to tell me to forget him? are those actions he did to tell me something? his nick alr changed so much. no more mr goh. still rmb the msges i sent to him, poems, sorry msges.. i read all of them last nite. as i read, i cried even harder. sometimes, i really feel like questioning God, i know there's a purpose and lesson learnt for what he's doing. right now life is so torturing, thinking of him all day long yet not able to get hold of him. what a failure and useless person am i.

blog a post at last. life is full of decisions. once decided, there should not be any regrets. why is my life always like that. so complicated. everytime i must always get into this situation. WHY??? my wish is very simple. i really wish for it to come true.

wish ur by my side.