edited
2009 is just tomorrow. looking back in 2008 resolutions, some were not achieved yet. 2008 was a year of happiness and sorrows. my life was full of ups and downs. after 6 days of breakaway, i really reflected, i know what's meant to be mine will be mine but those meant not to be mine no matter how much i do will still not be mine. 1 year 5 days have already passed, 391 days in all but it seems we only know each other for less than that. im living my own world, i rather be alone, a loner that's the best. the 6 days enabled me to temporarily let off all my unhappiness for that 6 days only and that was the only time i can stop thinking about those. im so lost but all i can do now is to study hard. again i hope 2009 will be a year full of happiness, that's what i wished for 2008 as well and i seriously hope it will be pls. it's really so torturing and painful and it's so difficult to recover, i dont wish to experience that again. some how or rather i know, i just need to wait patiently, no rush to get into one, studies first.


2008 RESOLUTIONS
1. Find a job (worked in best denki)
2. Be stronger (i guess not)
3. Do well for prelims and exams (nope)
4. Be more diligent (maybe)
5. Pass my practical for driving (passed on 1st aug)
6. Hope to go for piano practical exam (went on sept 19)
7. Meet up with my sec sch frens (not really)
8. Have better time management (nope)
9. Get involved in more church activities (not really)
10. Take up new activities (none)
11. Be happy always no matter what happens (not at all)
12. Enjoy myself in 2008!!! FUN!!! WOOHO!!! (yes and no)

2009 RESOLUTIONS
1. To be strong no matter what happens in my life
2. Wish for a miracle that was what i wrote on my new foolscap cover 2 weeks ago.
3. Study dilligently
4. Get the good grades which i want
5. To be less emotional
6. Wait for..
7. Last but not least, to be happy and see the smile in my life.

hope he will study hard, success in everything he does, last but not least happiness.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY COUSIN, XIAOYAN JIEJIE! (1st Jan)

1. What have you been doing recently?
- school, nth much.
2. Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
- yeah everynite when i sleep.
3. When did you last cry?
- last nite. eh no just now only.
4. Believe in fate/destiny?
- depends.
5. What do you want in your life now?
- good grades, happiness.
6. Whats your favourite thing to have on ur bed?
- my baobao.
7. Whats the nicest thing in your inbox?
- 600 over msges by him. but everything is past le hais.
8. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
- i just wan a simple & sweet one but think i failed in that.
9. What was the last movie you caught?
- The day the earth stood still.
10. What are you proud of?
- nth much?
11. What does your oldest text msg in your inbox says?
- cant rmb. deleted.
12. What was the last song you sang out loud?
- yue ding? also past alr hais.
13. Do you have any nicknames?
- char, charmander, charlizard, fann, fan haha.
14. What does your last text msg says?
- no choice ma. want earn money den need to work. o.0
15. What time did you go to bed last night?
- 2am no choice got project.
16. Are you currently happy?
- nope.
17. Who did you talk on the phone last night?
- none.
18. Is something bugging you now?
- yeah.
19. What/who was the last person to make you laugh?
- my sis.
20. Who was the last person you missed a call from?
- daddy.
21. Have you ever had your heart broken?
- yup.
22. What is the colour of your room?
- purple & white.
23. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion bucks?
- i dont hate pple & i dont kill.
24. Who was the last person to lie in your bed?
- me myself.
25. Who was the last person to hug you?
- that happened last year.
26. Did you see the last person you kissed recently?
- i kissed nobody real life this year.
27. Do you have a life?
- guess not.
28. What is the reason behind your profile song?
- wad profile? there isnt any song only my blog has. very impt song.
29. Who was the last person you saw in yr dreams?
- him. but there's nth i can do also.
30. Last time you smiled?
- quite long ago.
31. Have you changed this year?
- yes of course.
32. Are you talking to someone while doing this?
- nope.
33. Do you walk with your eyes closed or open?
- open.
34. Is there a quote you live by?
- dont think too much.
35. Do you want someone you can never have?
- YES sad. what can i do?
36. Have you ever played an instrument?
- piano, guitar.
37. What were you doing last night at 11pm?
- thinking of him?
38. Are you happy with your love life now?
- no love life.
39. What song best describes your love life?
- no idea. just failure.
40. Does the person know you like him/her?
- not like is love. yeah but what can i do?
41. Who always makes you laugh?
- nobody can make me laugh le. in the past it's him.
42. What do you think you are like?
- irritating person.
43. Who will you choose to die with?
- alone why pull other pple along?
44. Where have you been today?
- sch & taka.
45. Who are you missing now?
- him. but also useless le..
46. If you had to choose between your friend or your lover which will you choose?
- lover.
47. What are you doing right now?
- quiz.
48. Name 3 colours that you like?
- pink, black, white.
49. What is your life to you ?
- Life's terrible & xinku.

today woke up late, parents went church themselves.. went to tampines giant and ikea, i drove there den dad took over to park lols cos my parking aint good & my parents are rushing for time. went straight to ikea cafe to eat, ate my favourite pasta (penne) wif tomato sauce, the all-time-favourite chicken wings, bought one cup for coffee or tea & it's refillable. after eating, drank my first cup of coffee den a family was waiting, so my mum cleared up everything and wiped the table lols so dont need to bother the cleaners to clear up.. my mum told the family to take 2 seats first den the parents went buy food leaving the son there. so i went for my second round of coffee, long queue. went back, the parents was walking behind me with food alr.. so i told my mum let's just leave, i'll just stand and drink the coffee den the parents asked me to sit so we were said it's alright den they thanked us haha. so walked to the entrance/exit of ikea but i cant leave the cafe cos it's their cup lols den saw sis haha. she came over after her work at sia i think. dad and sis helped me put creamer & sugar & i stood at the entrance/exit to drink. it was wierd cos im the only one standing at the entrance drinking but nvm las, many pple are waiting for seats. so i drank like half cup cant drink anymore so went to put it at the clearing area.. off we went to buy 3 boxes for the boutique den left ikea & i drove to giant. guess wad, i needed to make a U-turn, in the end my U-turn failed. i panicked & tried reversing, apparently the car didnt move. i was stuck at the traffic light post den there were pedestrians dere all watching me. worse still, cars all behind watching as well, giving way to me, i was so embarrassed. all heads in the cars were looking at me & they were laughing =.= just one right-turn traffic light, i was the only car that crossed over cos i jammed the rest behind =.= managed to turn, dad was lecturing me T_T i kept laughing non-stop haha. went giant was so bored cos it was just finding jeans for bro & dad for our korea trip. decided to go there buy as it's cheap+they can only wear once cos need to buy super big de so can wear the long john inside..

after giant, dad dropped mum, bro & i at far east. went to far east saw the miumiu dress so nice, mum wanted to buy den many pple were looking at the dress when they walked past when my mum fitted it onto me.. it's 99 bucks. mum wanted to buy but i told her not to becos it's so expensive. went osmose nth much den went wisma & went osmose also lols den bought clothes frm dere zz den dad came to meet us. went body shop bought facial cleanser, make up remover etc. den went taka best denki, mum bought canon digi camera again. my hse all full of canon digi cameras. saw my vacuum side ex colleagues didnt go over cos dont dare haha. but some at tv, customer service, digi cams recognised me & smiled at me haha even the jap supervisor remembered me o.o after that bought my favourite cheese sausage prata at b2, went find mum at coach.. den went paragon cos mum needed to collect her bags at long champ.. after that went off to old airport road to eat. den went white hse road fetched sis from australian high commissioner. home sweet home.

sad im still sick, my cough was better at first when i finished the whole medication though i was still coughing.. 1 week later, my cough became worse and now it's terrible. 2 days ago, i cough so badly that i vomitted all the curry that i had for dinner. so painful, suddenly felt so lonely at that time..

today went grandma hse despite me being so sick. no choice played carrom board.. me and my bro practically just sat there cos we kept winning haha but i was missing so many shots cos i was too weak and drowsy.. there were 3 pairs of us.. 2 pairs play carrom, the other 2 pairs play daiti but one pair dun wanna play carrom.. i drank the cough mixture before that, hence feeling so drowsy. then it was bday celebration for my uncle den same time celebrate those bdays in december.. it's real heart warming cos most of us will celebrate our bdays at grandma's hse.. every year we'll definitely eat lots of bday cakes haha. went home drank cough mixture now im feeling so weak and drowsy again sigh.

wish him all the best in his studies and game :)

perhaps that was the only chance in our lifetime. end of dec, i'll change this whole blog.. maybe in this lifetime that will be the only memories left behind..

where is the 'me' which people once know. where's the strong spirit which i once have? why did i fall deeper and deeper into it?

took medicine, feeling so drowsy. parents go msia again, 3 times le since monday. hais no choice still need cook lunch for bro and myself..

monday
went school. drank so much water. throat still no change.

edited
tuesday
just came back from school. this morning dad fetched me to a bus stop to take my 151 bus. felt super cold though i was wearing so many layers. reached sch felt so hot, think got slight fever. msged my dad cos my parents are in msia today so they told me to see a doctor after sch. i still rmb last week my mum kept asking me to see a doctor cos of my sore throat but i refused thinking it's a sore throat only plus consultation fees are ex, seeing a doctor can cost more than 30 bucks. right now ive slight fever and i got to see the doctor myself.. wish i can recover quickly (:

last nite when i was going to sleep, i coughed badly can hear phelgm at my throat, i nearly choked cos cant breathe. my nose is blocked too. my voice became worse, for a moment i can talk, a moment i lost my voice. i thought a fever would be coming my way. when i woke up this morning it was terrible. i feel sick and the weather was so cold, it gonna rain i guess. den all of a sudden, i felt so cold and lonely. i was thinking everyone has their own troubles and problems, i dont want to trouble anyone. study study study, hope i can do that and wish i got supersonic memory to memorise so many stuffs! right now is concentrate concentrate concentrate, cant wander my mind off somewhere else. hais my birthday is another headache.

went great world yesterday, dad fetched me there. all of a sudden i forgot where's great world and when i reached there i rmbed haha i went there with my cca pple for micromouse competition twice!!! how can i forget those happy memories there! we won the cutest mouse competition haha and all of us tot we wouldnt win cos our robot was dressed like a normal mouse whereas others look so professional eg a big JustTea drink packaging, many many different designs.. everyone was shocked why the judge chose our mouse cos it fulfills the theme cutest mouse ma haha. i still rmb i was standing at the stage area den all of us got no hopes at all. my cca pple were all sitting upstairs watching.. den when she announced our school i was like !!! den i was so nervous went up on stage shaked hands and recd the trophy, super alot of students, need to look at cameras too z. i still rmb it was chuiying and others who wrapped the robot up like a mouse.. all of us were so happy! after which when i graduated, heard frm emily they won the cutest mouse again lols! kk back to yesterday.. went mac cafe to drink since it was early for the movie.. watched madagascar escape 2 africa till 6, before watching it i tot it would be quite boring cos when i watched the 1st madagscar movie, it wasnt that nice. i was wrong! madagascar escape 2 africa was so nice!! it was touching too cos alex(lion) reunited with his parents.. melman(giraffe) confessed his love to gloria(hippo) and it was so sweet, it wasnt those sweet talkings like that moto moto(hippo) who tried to go after gloria cos he likes her but it wasnt love cos he dont even know what gloria wants and wad he likes about her. melman knew everything of gloria, he knows what she's thinking, everything, he cant do without her, as long as he has her, he's always happy. it was really sweet and romantic. after movie ate at Go Thai till 8.. walked ard went burger king to chit chat till 9 something.. i was dropped at redhill station den i took train home. reached home at 10 something ba.. i feel so bad, her fren dont wanna take the money ZZZ.

thnks alot baby (:

oh gosh 2 days ago i had sore throat, i thought i was fine after i gargled salt water. today i nearly lost my voice & it sounds so sore like a guy voice already o.0 those who called me today all asked me who am i, they tot it was a guy z i feel so... went boutique to help out with my aunty. business was quiet, now the market is not good as well that's why. lee kuan yew told us not to spend cos we never know there may be a crisis that will be approaching. helped bro awhile with his school flagday as well for his school foundation, my parents brought him to amara so i stood wif him outside tanjong pajar station. i was reminded of my sec sch flagday haha with my cca pple, fun!after which went over buy lunch cheap! 2 bucks only. did stock taking, counting and carrying up and down those clothes stocks. soon evening came, went food expo.. ate so many stuffs.. sharkfin, my favourite prata sausage haha those at taka knows, one spoon of laksa, tried many food, drinks.. home sweet home after that. cant wait for tmr! im fine no worries. i hope so.

flashing back to last dec, christmas, den it was new year, release of O results, still rmbed how worrying it was cos.. he made it.. how i went thru one by one to see which course can be entered and to make sure i'll choose the right course for him and see if it's beneficial cos it concerns his future.. i really treat it like im choosing my own school cos i was so anxious abt it. it was nth to boast about but i was just glad i get the privilege to be able to choose for.... den posting results came, was really overjoyed to see it was the first choice being given while others were not.. still rmbed he refusing to tell & tricking me abt the school and courses he was posted to ROAR haha. soon sch started, many books to buy, busier.. and it goes on.. all these are memories.. the past i guess? time to move on.

guess im too crazy le ba.. im obessessed with it that's why.


i better start my revision already!! feb is coming!! prelims time!!

i got to study hard! work hard for future.. next time be a housewife, stay home teach the kids their school work, prepare meals for whole family etc..

gone.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KH! <3

will the good old days be back? how i wish it will.

i wish for a miracle.
just a simple wish..
to be with him for a lifetime.

the once bubbly & cheerful girl is gone,
her life aint the same anymore.
every nite without fail she dreams of him
but all were sad & heart-aching dreams.
she woke up crying every nite,
wishing the dreams wont come true.

school is like a chore to her,
she controls her tears all the time.
heads straight home after school
so that she can let go and cry.
crying is the only solution,
so that she will feel better.

i really love you alot. i seriously do. Lord, why torture me like this.

10 mths passed, soon it will be 1 year. how fast time passes, many memories etched in my mind and heart, frm last christmas till now, soon it will be christmas again. wondering how's he doing, should be fine i guess.


best wishes to him.

after i hanged up the phone, i cried bitterly. torturing. i really miss him alot. but studies now. i realised i did change, i didnt think as much as last time alr.. im just going to enjoy my life wif my girlfrens.. just lead a loner life. now's so cold, hope he's fine..

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

edited.

last sunday was out whole day and i drove that day to and fro fetching cousins, relatives from one place to another. one of my aunt and uncle made nasi lemak for dinner and they made otah. omgosh so many ingredients super tedious. they made 3 different types of otah. one is just plain fish otah, the other wif prawns and the other with sweet potato. they cooked it at the stove with the charcoal de. really interesting to see how my aunt and uncle made otah. den mum and sis massaging the chicken cos cooking emperor chicken. on that day, it was a super wide spread and all 6 families came down to eat tog, real crowded and it was a sumptuous meal, more than 15 plates of dishes on the table. got zhujiao, emperor chicken, 2 different types of big deep fried chicken wings, spareribs with mushroom, kangkong, cauliflower&broccoli mixed veg, chili ikan bilis, otahs, fried egg, fried fish and of course the choice of nasi lemak rice or plain rice. we had so much to eat haha.

past few days busy with school, tiring. now home coms super lousy cos sis lappy spoilt last week still repairing den she's using acer lappy. den ibm lappy just reformated super lag cos no space at all.. today attended marketing lecture, raining hence i was abit late but when i entered was shocked to see so little pple lols but soon many pple entered. most of us were late cos of rain that causes a big jam outside our school and ngee ann poly. after lecture we went megabites but full went over to canteen and accompany the girl (forgot her name) to buy her drink den she went off for lecture. so both of us just walked around sim looking at bazaar at the atrium and this fren saw 3 girlfrens and intro them zz. so we walked tog and went bus stop den all sat 151 cos i need to take that bus home while they alighted few stops to go town. met bro at hougang mall for lunch... back home.. den sis' fren came.. helped them with jigsaw puzzle for fren's bday present. 1000 pieces!! took hours till parents came back at 8 something.

all are lies? of all people, why must do those actions to me? so many years of friendship alr sigh. i dislike it when pple lie and hide from me.

something is wrong with all my blog posts. this post being cut, another post published wrongly sian.. all dates and times published are also wrong. even msn also had troubleshooting error pop up, cant sign in at all. think this old lappy got virus already, no anti virus software at all.

went sakura tampines safra ate dinner with family yest to treat my sis's fren at the same time cos he repaired the ibm lappy. coincidentally, saw my aunt, uncle and cousins haha and we were so shocked and we waved happily. then cousins came over talk with us then we go get food tog.. so crowded yest. ate till so full.. i love the strawberry frozen thingy. after which me and dad just went in jackpot room to take a look and watch pple play, wow the bets were so high. drop sis's fren at paya lebar station den home sweet home.