went out studying yest at airport, really love the airport. anyway was thinking thru about how my parents brought us up cos even till now when i leave my hse, i'll let my parents know if im going out to walk or going out to shopping. even if ive informed my parents the day before, on the day itself when i leave hse, i'll let them know whether or not they're at home or in office. since im their first-born, they're super protective of me hence i became sticky to them. i cried when i go for camps, cried when they go on holiday business trips till only jc that i stopped crying -.- and also perhaps cos im the oldest hence there're many responsibilities for me to take on, running errands for parents etc, buying food or cooking for siblings when im home but nowadays due to my exams, my mum despite her being busy, cooked soup for lunch & i just fried some little extra stuffs for siblings, appreciate that & my dad will cook dinner at nite, my parents also inform me about the happenings in the family.. however, im soft-hearted hence i dont grumble or scold my bro harshly even when he makes a grave mistake cos i didnt wan my parents to keep scolding him. im just satisfied with the life i've now, im glad that i dont have to worry about supporting family & as compared to africa, im much better than them so i dont demand much from parents, just happy that ive food to eat & hse to sleep. i just need freedom to go out. moreover, i worked with my parents everyday for 7 months, hence i became even closer to them & that my mum would tell me everything about her boutique stuffs. but there tends to be tension & my sister would help me because i didnt have my own personal time at all even though my mum says i can just inform them & go out but i didnt want to just go out as and when i like though im working for them, i must have a sense of responsibility, so i'll only go out on sunday afternoon. my bad point is not being firm & decisive, i cant be a leader. soon there was a big quarrel in dec, somehow i need to concentrate on my studies alr cos i didnt touch at all ever since school started plus work. plus hammies & doggy stuffs already made me very busy. right now, no work but im studying everyday hence i cant wait for MAY to be over. i cant wait to start my internship.

just applied yesterday for my internship.. applied a few, hope i can be recruited haha. anyway after my exams gonna help out in my mum's boutique first, she's really busy. den i shall start internship in june, im broke cos supporting myself & hamsters too for quite long alr. i still rmb helping out my parents at office and boutique till last year dec due to quarrels =/ but now thinking i do miss working there haha. reflecting back the past again, due to the fact that im quite an introvert hence i dont know much people, so those who entered my life hurt me cos i put my 100% in every single one. i dont ask for much, i just need to be in the guy's heart. now everything is about studying daily -.- ive bible study tmr, glad that it's my 3rd year running, really know the bible indepth, that's good. time to sleep. made some reflections. im proud to say i never exceed my phone bills, not even a cent for a year le since my parents are paying ^^ gonna take up this responsibility when i start my internship (:






















thinking of the past of me and D, how we started though we're worlds apart. i didnt expect much from him cos i know i myself cant meet him often too, once per week or once every 2 weeks & also denying to others about us due to personal problems. I am glad he is understanding towards me due to personal reasons, hence most of the times i went to find him and went home myself cos i dont want him to waste his $ and time to send me home. im understanding and not demanding at all. even we da-bao food from coffeeshop & eat in his room sitting on the floor, it's kinda sweet too. we seldom quarrel cos we give in and take, and i only initiate to contact him and no others. i did whatever i could to make him happy, making & buying many stuffs on vday like gummy jellies forming heart shape, heart-shaped brownie, diy card, styrofoam roses wif bears placed in fanciful glass bottle & on his bday like making mini album+card, folding 268 straw hearts as his bday was 26 aug, adidas dry fit top, iron out heart shapes & his nick with those beads, glow sticks forming his nickname, 12 fancifully designed cupcakes from crystal jade kitchen.. he surprised me with the bear+rings on vday & lovely bears bouquet on bday. i still rmb when he was sad, i went to jp to DIY a cake for him & to bishan to pass to him & back hougang. he bought my siblings and i mac at midnite. he gave me hamsters & bought the rest of the stuffs when i wanna keep them. we went bottle tree park tog, walked around and saw so many interesting stuffs, we even sat the swan ride, super fun. we watched plenty of movies at the beginning, 1 to 2 weeks we watched 4 movies, i kept insisting to pay but he doesnt want den managed to pay once i think. both of us got no time cos im helping and working for my parents that time which includes sat & sun sometimes & he was working for his dad, hence i had hard time to find him. still we felt that it was impt to help our parents hence we didnt quarrel over it at all. thinking about it, we never quarrel much since i was faithful to him, i seriously only contacted him, that's what i do to all my pasts too. i thought i had same views with my pasts, but yet all broke my heart =/ i felt that in a r/s, a couple must trust each other, compromise, talk it out when there's quarrel and solve it, no point flaring up. i never flare up before to them, only cried. and to him, i cried & was angry for awhile but ultimately, we'll sit down and talk. i still rmb everytime, he'll talk those stuffs to me when i was going home, which really touched me and my tears dripped. but everything turned out wrongly, he said he does not deserve me? maybe cos im not his type.

everyday is about studies, either outside studying with frens or at home o: i wish the month of may would come soon but somehow i wish time will pass slowly too as im slow in my revision, im dead :/ just cooked rice just now for bro's and my lunch since mum alr cooked favourite black bean soup. time to study.

and..

seeing my frens so happily in long-lasting r/s, does really make me envy them. it's best if the guy loves me for who i am.

dead tired. blogged one post that day but decided not to publish it. will blog another one some other day. many stuffs took place. complicated.

busy with studies which really scares me off. hope i can survive and i must.

AW sad, they went prawning last nite, and i only found out when i logged in -.- i was like zzz, speechless. i wanna go do many many things like cycling, fishing, prawning, watch sunrise at beach etc.. anyway im dead tired now, came back home at about 11pm. went 21st bday party, first party this year haha. my stomach was really full after eating the buffet food plus bday cake, couldnt take in anymore food. took public transport back with frens after party.. super tired.

it seems like it's drifting apart sigh. im seriously dead tired. feels so weak. my head is so heavy.

things are not getting within my means sigh.

why do i feel so.. maybe i shld just disappear from..

shall blog when ive the time. gosh was shocked to find out yest when i was back from malacca that my revision lectures start today -.- 8.30am till afternoon z. time to sleep now, going to school tmr morning again -.-

many things happened just within 5 months? im glad that everything is over for him, glad that his sister organised many events to bond the family, seeing the pictures make me feel warm & happy. it tells me how impt family is. that explains why my parents emphasised alot on eating together and till now we always eat together as a family most of the days, every holiday trip as a family, every sunday gathering at dad's side grandma's hse with relatives. this bonds everyone up (: anyway back to the topic, i rmbed they organised outings like pulau ubin last time but sad to say i cant go at all due to personal reasons knowing how much i wanted to go hais. anyway i thought thru if i ever get into one, it's best to be an open one, so that i can join any activity organised by his frens or his family. i always wish to do that, but i always have no chance to do that. cherish and treasure the person next to you, u will never know what will happen.

many things took place today, another mind-boogling one. no idea why i became emotional at that time after thinking thru what G said.. i wish, i wish, i wish, everything would work out well.

im back from malacca. shall update tmr. lessons starting, that's boring. i really wish nothing will crop up now like my last 2 years in SIM.

today was home all along. den about 6 plus dad called back, telling me to bring down dog's basket, prepare half container of her food, plus her leash. need to bring her to woodlands to let a PET LOVERS CENTRE staff take care of her cos my family and i are going to malacca tmr till tues! it was a sudden decision, actually wanna go HK for 5 days but i didnt want since i have exams and i really need to study sigh. dad came home at 6.30pm, brought sachi along with him, SAD, miss her. den parents came back at 7.35pm, left with maid and bro.. went aunty hse, left maid there, went to boutique to settle admin stuffs and bring some stocks down.. left at about 8.55pm, went to hougang ave 5 coffeeshop to eat. throughout the journey, the person who takes care of SACHI doggie called and asked is it sachi hates black stuffs LOL. den my mum said yes and the lady said cos her mum wore all black and sachi barked non-stop lol. sachi hates to see light reflections, shadow, dark stuffs, she's racist also LOL. my dad jokingly said cos she herself so black le, she cant stand it to see another one darker than her -.- back to the story at the coffeeshop, 2 guys were sitting there kept looking over our table dont know for what, i was wondering if it's from the where or what -.- den my mum also say why they keep looking over, just stare like that till they left -.- anyway went home after that. started packing my stuffs for tmr's trip! famous hainanese chicken rice balls, Bei zhan restaurant, here i come :0 nights, time to sleep. hungry =/

anyway new geek specs which i bought online arrived today. 5 bucks only.
www.wenxin-blogstation.blogspot.com/search/label/GEEK
camwhore in car haha. was at home all day long, wenyi was at our hse cos she had school today & my dad fetched her to school & back. hammies cages are so dirty le -.- nurul and i washed it last friday only -.- the hamsters go mess up everything. I was so distracted today, cant concentrate to study, but i must study. my mind was so uneasy today, heart was racing so fast -.- dad bought back chicken rice today, all of us ate.. after that, i cant get to study at all -.- pacing around, den keep thinking. den decided to play piano, den wenyi was listening.. dont know why cannot concentrate to play also zzz. den decided to stop playing.. looked at my notes awhile den so fast parents called at 5.05pm to go food expo at suntec.. so my bro, wenyi and me went down basement.. den we went suntec. met sis there, the food expo is so empty -.- ate so much. cousin and i bought mian xian and deep fried crispy chicken.. den my dad bought curry rice for me. den still got aloe vera drink.. i was bloated. mian xian wasnt nice, perhaps cos i dont know how to appreciate eating that. after which walked round till 7 plus, bought ice-creamsss yummyyy haha. left expo and it was so jammed up -.- sent wenyi home and home sweet home. fed doggie.. actually wanna go giant tampines but it was too late. recd my geek specs! so happy but it seems big. bathed, walked around hse, went up parents room to watch the new channel U hk drama, nice show (:

im dead dead dead =x im feeling... jealous?

decided to get back to blogging & put it on fb. actually i dont really like pple to know my blog cos it's quite personal.. this blog has been with me since 2004. time really flies.

anyway this is just a random post, nothing in particular. love is so unpredictable. im asking myself if im the one having problem. no idea why my pasts whom went into another r/s all lasted till now. i really do envy them. who does not want to be loved? but ultimately, it's best to get a guy who loves me more than i do because for every relationship, i put in my 100% hence i suffer 100% hurt as well if the guy leaves me. But i shld trust in God for this.

did nothing much today, supposed to be studying. was teaching wenyi maths over the phone as she needed help with some questions. after which, just fried egg for sis, warmed up canned meat den took half for sis. maid deep-fried fries, took half out for sis. den the rest of everything for bro. ate my lunch, love the soup my mum cooked. after that, just took a bath & started studying. but distractions are indeed distractions, switched on tv =/ but i muted it lol. den after reading my notes awhile, i decided to go sleep. went sleep, woke up, cooked rice for dinner. slacked around hse. i was pondering the whole day, i took out all the pasts and looked. had piano just now, after that since my dad was using the desktop in my room, i lied on my bed and thought again. will i have happiness at all in my life? i dont believe in that anymore. it's really so painful and torturing. i hate it. crying so much is also useless. enough of all these. PRELIMS ARE FINALLY OVER but yet TONS OF REVISION CLASSES ARE HERE sian and REAL EXAMS IN MAY!!! MUGGING PERIOD!

hope to change my blog skin soon haha.. i need to study hard!!! time's running out. cant wait for june.

haven been updating my blog at all. neglected this blog totally. anyway it's time for me to prioritise my time. thinking of two months down the road & it's my final exams. im so stressed up by so many matters. no idea why things turn out like that. simply put, many things in life are unpredictable & only God has control of it. But i thank God for putting me thru these days. studies will be the first for me right now & i hope i can make it thru till the exams are over.

cny's over, lots of fun. too much to blog again -.- hence im not blogging abt it.

time for spring cleaning. today i was late for school & my teacher walked up the lecture hall to the back and asked me why was i late -.-

studying time! prelims beginning of march. revision in march & april. finals in early may. haven been contacting joyce and clique.. only contact joyce regarding schoolwork.. i dont like to blog, i find it boring. so it will be short and sweet.

does anyone know anything about polaroids? i've been asking all blogshops selling that about it, seen plenty of different cams on blogshops, hardwarezone forums, ebays every nite for 2 weeks plus le.. those polaroid onestep, cool cam 600, all really nice! but after reading many comments about the films which are difficult to purchase, i decided not to follow on that. hence fujifilm white mini 7s would be better. anyone has any suggestions? i need it in 4 to 5 months time.

didnt post for super long already, decided to post one now.. i am not going to state any resolutions because i always do not follow it and will forget after a day -.- have not met up with any frens for more than a month since my sec school cca gathering last dec. met up with iras pple last fri finally. met up at cityhall den walked to suntec b1.. lots to catch up since we did not meet up or really contact for 1 year le lol, plus i dont sign in msn, neither am i active in facebook.

today actually wanted to buy lunch for myself and bro den head home when parents fetched me there.. at hougang mall, my parents and i went ntuc to buy plenty of oranges, all different brands, 3 big packets of rice again plus some other stuffs. they needed to give the oranges to customers.. we took abt an hour to buy everything, i filled in the lucky draws as usual, hope we can win haha. we went to the car, afterwhich i went to buy lunch for my mum and me, bro didnt want to eat. back to car, mum said dad needed to send the oranges to several customers in tuas/jurong like last year when i went wif dad to send mooncakes.. hence i dont mind going with my dad since my mum is afraid of him driving alone for long hours. fetched mum to office first, we went up to have the customer names written on the stickers to stick on the mandarin orange cartons. 9 to be given out, all different packagings. left wif dad and we started sticking the names on the cartons. it was 1.25pm. i told dad to head home to pass to my bro his kueh, same time wanna take my school notes lol, i was thinking i can study in the car -.- went to serangoon gardens after that to look after the car while dad went to dbs bank. left to hougang area to pump pertrol, bought 2 bottles of pink dolphin, 2 bucks for 2, cheap - one for me, one for dad. left to start the journey. took street directory and in the car with dad to find the places. 2 hours plus journey to 6 places, a great time catching up with my dad about his stories again. we didnt get lost at all in those tuas & jurong industrial areas haha, i was sitting at the back telling him to turn where from street directory, there were two he can still remember the directions! i was flipping within page 69, 79, 100, 101.. we went dso, it was troublesome at there again cos need to put hp in lockers and our ICs at the guard hse.. den still need to check the car.. at 4.10pm, we finished everything at last! dad suggested gg to tiong bahru to eat his lunch cos he has not eaten. mum called and suggested to us gg to tiong bahru too lol den i told her that's what dad said too, she laughed. i ate fried kway teow, 2 bucks, cheap. dad ate bak ku teh plus fried kway teow too! dad bought mum's hot cheng teng.. head back to office at 5.50pm, helped mum wif tagging of clothes since she needs it urgently.. finally finished everything at 7.10pm, quickly left office. dad sent mum to bible study, we went hougang mall 4th floor kopitiam den 1st floor to buy bro & sis dinner. dad and i didnt eat cos we were full but i feel hungry now lol. i have not studied today ah! didnt do my bible study yet!!!! went home after that! hammies have grown fatter each day -.- still timid as usual but they're really really cute and chubby. orange one fatter & bigger than white one. sachi also become bigger size ever since we weighed her last time till this year, gained 1 kg.

now my life is just home lol. i just dont feel like contacting or catch up with any friends.. i complained i have no time to meet up with them when im working for my parents, i can only meet my friends on sunday, i dont like to just go for work as and when i like, to me is not right. For me, though they're my parents, still i must treat it i am working for other companies as personal and work are two different matters hence when i am at work, i am 100% into work, no distractions. so right now, im not working after the big argument with my mum last dec. Throughout the years, i have matured alot & it may me think alot. I know how tough my parents work, hence i am really satisfied with what i have, im trying hard to save, like my phone bills, i proudly say i didnt exceed continously for a year le.. last time i do exceed but is a few bucks. if i can walk to and back from hougang mall, i'll walk & save transport fees when i buy lunch for siblings or return from school. i didnt want to trouble my dad to buy lunch cos i know it's tiring for him driving up and down & by the time, he has no time left to do his work, that's what he said repeatedly in office for many occasions but he dont dare to voice out. i dont ask my dad to fetch me from school at all, i dont mind taking public transport back no matter how heavy my schoolnotes are. he's my dad, not my chaffeur with just a call and he's here, i feel that's not right. my dad always insisted on fetching me back to sch, i strongly object & wanna go back myself. they didnt know why till i flared up one day when i waited one hour for him to come. they said they do not want me to be xinku, carry many notes but to me, i told them i do not want them to be xinku instead. however, lessons early in the morning, i need my dad to fetch me to school which is twice per week cos i cant wake up & i need to wake up at 6.30am when my bro already uses this com in my room till 10pm to 12 midnite. i do not switch on the water heater to save electricity bills unless it is early in the morning or my dad will switch on for me because he kept thinking i forget to switch on. usually when i sleep den i'll just switch on the air-con for half hour, in the end i often wake up in the middle of nite sweating zz hence sometimes i switch on for awhile to cool the room down. there are plenty more to say. there's always a purpose behind stuffs i do but i dont say out. family are always there for u, friends do help but they cant be with you all the time. i do not want to add more burden to my parents, hence im trying to help by these mini actions cos they also wont stop working till they're 60 over, so by helping them would be better after all they're my parents, plus seeing how my friends around me are helping their parents to lift the burden too, i really respect them. i am not trying to show how great i am, but i am being truthful here. though there're many attractive stuffs in life like my favourite clothes etc, but i never tell my parents how much i like it, i dont request stuffs from them, but somehow my mum can read my mind -.- also, thank God for the many stuffs which my mum showered on us - facials, clothes, facial products etc.. i know im fortunate but sometimes still i'll quarrel with her over my results which made me boiled up. to me results is not associated with freedom. i feel as a parent, character of a child is very impt. i know every family has different rules, my parents aint strict except wif r/s stuffs where i know some girlfrens my age do have 12 midnite curfew. but for me whether or not there's curfew cos it doesnt matter cos i'll definitely return before 12. in my opinion, i think is dangerous to be out there at nite & it's inappropriate for a girl to be out there late and i do not want my parents to be worrying and staying up late at nite. they're getting on age, it's not good to let them stay up & i wanna let them to have good life. so actions are better than words. i do not like to act filial infront of my frens, i want to be real and truthful. im rather low-key also hence no one knows what's happening to me lol, i also dont blog but after seeing many issues, i decided to just type here about how i feel. everyone has different opinions of course, this is just part of how i feel in my heart.