hais no mood to post. always in my mind all day long yet i hurt another. what decision shld i make? this time im really lost.

busy new year, shall update when im free and i when i can use com cos now using sis com for a while only.

so busy this whole week. super busy. dont even have time to touch the com, no time to practise piano and study as well..

cant wait for every friday ((: oops forgot i went watch red cliff on fri actually haha. next movie will be jack neo's new movie & fann wong's one. jack neo's one is so funny, saw the trailer before the red cliff started. one part is a woman asking a man, "are u really benny's father?" the man replied "then do i look like his mother?" LOL so funny! then got one part hui ge was so funny he said he can form a sentence using colours which is.. "When the phone rings "Green, Green", I "pink" up the phone and say "yellow", "Blue" is this? "White" do you want? You dont "purplely" call me. If you make me angry, I wont call you "black". lols so funny la. It should be, when the phone rings "Ring, Ring", I pick up the phone and say hello, who is this? What do you want? You dont purposely call me. If you make me angry, I wont call you back. hahas.

trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzVgbZE22Jk

nites off to bed.

went to watch red cliff 2 last fri at amk hub. nice movie! so funny, we kept laughing hahaa.

i kept asking myself what for i think. useless also ma. i should just get on with life, lead a happy life, do well in studies. why emo for what also pointless. no more emo posts ((:

why is my life always like that? why is it always filled with obstacles? why is it not smooth-sailing. why is it always be filled with bitterness, pain, sorrows. so unfair. WHY?!!! each time im feeling more sad. will i ever be happy? charmaine, stop thinking too much! so stressed up by everything. prelims coming soon it's final exams. time passes so fast.

<3

my mum just left for hongkong this early morning. last nite 4 plus am she suddenly came down to my room to use the com -.- gave me a big shock cos sachi was in my room den she suddenly howled and barked so loudly. mum forgot to choose her plane seat haha. in the end she switched on com and went in the website only to realise the seat was chosen for her already :/ den she went upstairs to her room le haha.

yesterday (sat)
woke up straightaway bathed went off wif parents. fetched sis from comfort driving centre cos she still has 45 mins to her final theory test 12.50pm, den went enterprise 1 office to buy tea and kaya toast. dad dropped mum and i at office cos the accountant is there doing last year's account and my dad sent my sis for her test. dad came back sat for 20 mins den left to fetch my sis lol grats she passed her final theory test on 1st attempt too! cant wait for her to pass her practical driving as well den both of us can drive haha! maybe dad's buying a car for us YEAH! dad came back to fetch mum and i, den dad dropped mum and sis at city plaza to get clothes den dad dropped me at amara shopping centre at 2pm to help my aunt at my mum's boutique. so messy z den i climbed up and down packing those clothes stock in the cupboard cos it's till the ceiling -.- whatever tedious stuffs my aunt want to do i just tell her i will do lol cos she's already 60. like packing all these, i'll label all the clothes and carry up, my aunt just passed the clothes to me.. ironing i also go "snatch" from her to do cos i know it's tiring using that standing steam iron, den let her go think what clothes shld be wore on the models haha. my mum also said we must have initiative ma. we were packing and hence didnt open up the shutters fully den many wanted to come in but we told them to come in later. we opened near 3pm no choice.. one indian customer came to collect her clothese cos my mum said will shift the clothes button for her. my mum even put a stud dere & shifted the 1st button. she came in she wasnt happy and said it's to shift all the buttons not 1. my aunt was saying no she said first button only and my aunt kept insisting on that -.- den the customer said "im so disappointed with you all. is this how you treat your customers, dont even take in customer's instructions." my aunt was like grumbing that she only said shift first button only zz. when i heard it i was like die den i put on a smile, told her nicely "im so sorry abt that, i will shift all the buttons for you and put another stud there. im really so sorry about that." after which the indian customer cooled down and said "i will come back in 10 days. get this done." -.- zz. soon mum, dad, sis came wif new stocks. dad left for home den mum, aunt, sis and i were in boutique.. den so many pple came.. it was like non stop -.- me and aunt didnt even eat lunch at all cos too many customers zz den all the customers only left near 7pm. i went to tanjong pagar plaza buy cai fan cos it's really cheap 2 bucks. so i dabao, ate my lunch and dinner tog at boutique lol. den settle all the accounts, dad & bro came to fetch us den we went pasa malam at there, i just buy pokka green tea. back to hougang to buy dinner and dropped aunt den went home (:

last tues (6/1)
after corporate finance lect i was walking down wif my 3 girlfrens to the bus stop to take bus home. den suddenly joyce and weifang said they're gg to jurong point cos got new extension den joyce also need to wait for her frens at there till 6 plus. den they asked me and jiaying if we wanna follow along.. so i was like anything ba den i followed them but jy went home.. so went jurong point, ate at subway, shared wif joyce a subway melts footlong meal den we went walking round whole of jurong point, went in most of the shops. joyce bought a top and i just tried a top as well for fun haha. then we went skin food, thefaceshop which was in korea as well cos i wanted to check the prices haha. yeah in spore they sell the mask for eg thefaceshop 3 for s$10 but i bought in korea 1 for s$1.90 only lol. then skin food mask sells 1 for S$5 and S$8 also have in spore but in korea they sell only 1 for S$1.90 -.- so much cheaper la zz. then we walked den looked at those cute stuffs so cute!! got toilet paper holder which is toothpaste the big tube design thingy, dont know how to explain. many many stuffs. den weifang bought a small scooter display for her fren's bday so cute and nice! we went drink sweettalk bubble tea sat down and talked den soon joyce's fren came le.. so me and weifang left to go home!

it's no longer the same.. le. things really aint the same anymore. i still rmb how particular it was abt the.. but now.. it's like back to the incident in aug alr, i had enough le.

exams are coming. end feb's my prelims. may's my final exams.

sometimes im really so afraid. it's so unpredictable.. change my mind again after.. i shldnt think so much. be happy (:

ive already made up my mind, my final decision. memories are definitely there, no matter what it's always there cos it was simply too deep le. till now im still writing our names on my new foolscap cover cos my old one finished le. the old one also had our names on it.

on 31st uncle fetched quite early after which went his hse to fetch laura and aunty tong lynn den head off. uncle parked at suntec from there we walked to spore flyer cos he reserved tables at O'Learys SPORTSBAR & GRILL zz. i saw the menu in the car then i was like O.O cos all so ex. quite a long walk to spore flyer cos we didnt know where's the restaurant too.. den same time took pics of flyer. didnt know what happened to the flyer on 23rd dec till i came back from my trip on 28th. at the sportsbar, uncle ordered mocktails for us.. 10 mocktails and 1 ice lemon tea for laura. mocktail costs 7 bucks each -.- 6 of them ordered fish and chips and it's 17 bucks each. aunty tong lynn and me ordered linguini, 20+ bucks. laura ordered a plate of 6 chicken wings wif fries, my uncle ordered spare ribs 26+ bucks, one cousin ordered steak 22+bucks. den uncle ordered 1 extra fish and chip and spare ribs for us to share -.- altogether 13 dishes o.o we all like all stuffing ourselves zz so full they kept asking us to eat. den i almost finished my mocktail when i found an ant in there z den they gave me a new cup. uncle paid all :/ my cousins and i were whispering to each other how to pay him back really feel so bad. the whole spore flyer there was so empty also. they got mini performance there but so little pple z den went over to the grass patch near floating platform but need to stand till 12 when it was only 9 something den so empty as well probably cos too early so we walked back to spore flyer area. to our delight, we found so many stone tables empty.. so we cousins sat one table, my uncle, 2 aunties & laura sat another table. 7 of us played taiti, took turns 4 first den winner get to play wif the 3 later and so on. den uncle and aunts played donkey wif laura -.- we played halfway got cockroach z den all ran to another stone table den continued playing. i stopped playing after that.. auntie came over to learn and play taiti too.. soon it was 11.45pm.. den we just walk over to the sea there den a grp of 5 pple just shouted 10,9,...3,2,1 then we saw fireworks.. so nice!! so big, so much.. super nice. den finished watching went off le. walked back to suntec den uncle fetched wenyi, xinyi back home. bro and i went to their hse to wait for parents to fetch us. home sweet home.

yest packed my whole table, so clean and neat le :) printed out mthly time table also. that day went library borrow a storybook yet to read yet.. printed all my macro lecture notes as well. last nite wrapped my bro's sec 4 books -.- 8 books zz.

edited
2009 is just tomorrow. looking back in 2008 resolutions, some were not achieved yet. 2008 was a year of happiness and sorrows. my life was full of ups and downs. after 6 days of breakaway, i really reflected, i know what's meant to be mine will be mine but those meant not to be mine no matter how much i do will still not be mine. 1 year 5 days have already passed, 391 days in all but it seems we only know each other for less than that. im living my own world, i rather be alone, a loner that's the best. the 6 days enabled me to temporarily let off all my unhappiness for that 6 days only and that was the only time i can stop thinking about those. im so lost but all i can do now is to study hard. again i hope 2009 will be a year full of happiness, that's what i wished for 2008 as well and i seriously hope it will be pls. it's really so torturing and painful and it's so difficult to recover, i dont wish to experience that again. some how or rather i know, i just need to wait patiently, no rush to get into one, studies first.


2008 RESOLUTIONS
1. Find a job (worked in best denki)
2. Be stronger (i guess not)
3. Do well for prelims and exams (nope)
4. Be more diligent (maybe)
5. Pass my practical for driving (passed on 1st aug)
6. Hope to go for piano practical exam (went on sept 19)
7. Meet up with my sec sch frens (not really)
8. Have better time management (nope)
9. Get involved in more church activities (not really)
10. Take up new activities (none)
11. Be happy always no matter what happens (not at all)
12. Enjoy myself in 2008!!! FUN!!! WOOHO!!! (yes and no)

2009 RESOLUTIONS
1. To be strong no matter what happens in my life
2. Wish for a miracle that was what i wrote on my new foolscap cover 2 weeks ago.
3. Study dilligently
4. Get the good grades which i want
5. To be less emotional
6. Wait for..
7. Last but not least, to be happy and see the smile in my life.

hope he will study hard, success in everything he does, last but not least happiness.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY COUSIN, XIAOYAN JIEJIE! (1st Jan)

1. What have you been doing recently?
- school, nth much.
2. Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
- yeah everynite when i sleep.
3. When did you last cry?
- last nite. eh no just now only.
4. Believe in fate/destiny?
- depends.
5. What do you want in your life now?
- good grades, happiness.
6. Whats your favourite thing to have on ur bed?
- my baobao.
7. Whats the nicest thing in your inbox?
- 600 over msges by him. but everything is past le hais.
8. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
- i just wan a simple & sweet one but think i failed in that.
9. What was the last movie you caught?
- The day the earth stood still.
10. What are you proud of?
- nth much?
11. What does your oldest text msg in your inbox says?
- cant rmb. deleted.
12. What was the last song you sang out loud?
- yue ding? also past alr hais.
13. Do you have any nicknames?
- char, charmander, charlizard, fann, fan haha.
14. What does your last text msg says?
- no choice ma. want earn money den need to work. o.0
15. What time did you go to bed last night?
- 2am no choice got project.
16. Are you currently happy?
- nope.
17. Who did you talk on the phone last night?
- none.
18. Is something bugging you now?
- yeah.
19. What/who was the last person to make you laugh?
- my sis.
20. Who was the last person you missed a call from?
- daddy.
21. Have you ever had your heart broken?
- yup.
22. What is the colour of your room?
- purple & white.
23. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion bucks?
- i dont hate pple & i dont kill.
24. Who was the last person to lie in your bed?
- me myself.
25. Who was the last person to hug you?
- that happened last year.
26. Did you see the last person you kissed recently?
- i kissed nobody real life this year.
27. Do you have a life?
- guess not.
28. What is the reason behind your profile song?
- wad profile? there isnt any song only my blog has. very impt song.
29. Who was the last person you saw in yr dreams?
- him. but there's nth i can do also.
30. Last time you smiled?
- quite long ago.
31. Have you changed this year?
- yes of course.
32. Are you talking to someone while doing this?
- nope.
33. Do you walk with your eyes closed or open?
- open.
34. Is there a quote you live by?
- dont think too much.
35. Do you want someone you can never have?
- YES sad. what can i do?
36. Have you ever played an instrument?
- piano, guitar.
37. What were you doing last night at 11pm?
- thinking of him?
38. Are you happy with your love life now?
- no love life.
39. What song best describes your love life?
- no idea. just failure.
40. Does the person know you like him/her?
- not like is love. yeah but what can i do?
41. Who always makes you laugh?
- nobody can make me laugh le. in the past it's him.
42. What do you think you are like?
- irritating person.
43. Who will you choose to die with?
- alone why pull other pple along?
44. Where have you been today?
- sch & taka.
45. Who are you missing now?
- him. but also useless le..
46. If you had to choose between your friend or your lover which will you choose?
- lover.
47. What are you doing right now?
- quiz.
48. Name 3 colours that you like?
- pink, black, white.
49. What is your life to you ?
- Life's terrible & xinku.

today woke up late, parents went church themselves.. went to tampines giant and ikea, i drove there den dad took over to park lols cos my parking aint good & my parents are rushing for time. went straight to ikea cafe to eat, ate my favourite pasta (penne) wif tomato sauce, the all-time-favourite chicken wings, bought one cup for coffee or tea & it's refillable. after eating, drank my first cup of coffee den a family was waiting, so my mum cleared up everything and wiped the table lols so dont need to bother the cleaners to clear up.. my mum told the family to take 2 seats first den the parents went buy food leaving the son there. so i went for my second round of coffee, long queue. went back, the parents was walking behind me with food alr.. so i told my mum let's just leave, i'll just stand and drink the coffee den the parents asked me to sit so we were said it's alright den they thanked us haha. so walked to the entrance/exit of ikea but i cant leave the cafe cos it's their cup lols den saw sis haha. she came over after her work at sia i think. dad and sis helped me put creamer & sugar & i stood at the entrance/exit to drink. it was wierd cos im the only one standing at the entrance drinking but nvm las, many pple are waiting for seats. so i drank like half cup cant drink anymore so went to put it at the clearing area.. off we went to buy 3 boxes for the boutique den left ikea & i drove to giant. guess wad, i needed to make a U-turn, in the end my U-turn failed. i panicked & tried reversing, apparently the car didnt move. i was stuck at the traffic light post den there were pedestrians dere all watching me. worse still, cars all behind watching as well, giving way to me, i was so embarrassed. all heads in the cars were looking at me & they were laughing =.= just one right-turn traffic light, i was the only car that crossed over cos i jammed the rest behind =.= managed to turn, dad was lecturing me T_T i kept laughing non-stop haha. went giant was so bored cos it was just finding jeans for bro & dad for our korea trip. decided to go there buy as it's cheap+they can only wear once cos need to buy super big de so can wear the long john inside..

after giant, dad dropped mum, bro & i at far east. went to far east saw the miumiu dress so nice, mum wanted to buy den many pple were looking at the dress when they walked past when my mum fitted it onto me.. it's 99 bucks. mum wanted to buy but i told her not to becos it's so expensive. went osmose nth much den went wisma & went osmose also lols den bought clothes frm dere zz den dad came to meet us. went body shop bought facial cleanser, make up remover etc. den went taka best denki, mum bought canon digi camera again. my hse all full of canon digi cameras. saw my vacuum side ex colleagues didnt go over cos dont dare haha. but some at tv, customer service, digi cams recognised me & smiled at me haha even the jap supervisor remembered me o.o after that bought my favourite cheese sausage prata at b2, went find mum at coach.. den went paragon cos mum needed to collect her bags at long champ.. after that went off to old airport road to eat. den went white hse road fetched sis from australian high commissioner. home sweet home.

sad im still sick, my cough was better at first when i finished the whole medication though i was still coughing.. 1 week later, my cough became worse and now it's terrible. 2 days ago, i cough so badly that i vomitted all the curry that i had for dinner. so painful, suddenly felt so lonely at that time..

today went grandma hse despite me being so sick. no choice played carrom board.. me and my bro practically just sat there cos we kept winning haha but i was missing so many shots cos i was too weak and drowsy.. there were 3 pairs of us.. 2 pairs play carrom, the other 2 pairs play daiti but one pair dun wanna play carrom.. i drank the cough mixture before that, hence feeling so drowsy. then it was bday celebration for my uncle den same time celebrate those bdays in december.. it's real heart warming cos most of us will celebrate our bdays at grandma's hse.. every year we'll definitely eat lots of bday cakes haha. went home drank cough mixture now im feeling so weak and drowsy again sigh.

wish him all the best in his studies and game :)

perhaps that was the only chance in our lifetime. end of dec, i'll change this whole blog.. maybe in this lifetime that will be the only memories left behind..

where is the 'me' which people once know. where's the strong spirit which i once have? why did i fall deeper and deeper into it?

took medicine, feeling so drowsy. parents go msia again, 3 times le since monday. hais no choice still need cook lunch for bro and myself..

monday
went school. drank so much water. throat still no change.

edited
tuesday
just came back from school. this morning dad fetched me to a bus stop to take my 151 bus. felt super cold though i was wearing so many layers. reached sch felt so hot, think got slight fever. msged my dad cos my parents are in msia today so they told me to see a doctor after sch. i still rmb last week my mum kept asking me to see a doctor cos of my sore throat but i refused thinking it's a sore throat only plus consultation fees are ex, seeing a doctor can cost more than 30 bucks. right now ive slight fever and i got to see the doctor myself.. wish i can recover quickly (:

last nite when i was going to sleep, i coughed badly can hear phelgm at my throat, i nearly choked cos cant breathe. my nose is blocked too. my voice became worse, for a moment i can talk, a moment i lost my voice. i thought a fever would be coming my way. when i woke up this morning it was terrible. i feel sick and the weather was so cold, it gonna rain i guess. den all of a sudden, i felt so cold and lonely. i was thinking everyone has their own troubles and problems, i dont want to trouble anyone. study study study, hope i can do that and wish i got supersonic memory to memorise so many stuffs! right now is concentrate concentrate concentrate, cant wander my mind off somewhere else. hais my birthday is another headache.

went great world yesterday, dad fetched me there. all of a sudden i forgot where's great world and when i reached there i rmbed haha i went there with my cca pple for micromouse competition twice!!! how can i forget those happy memories there! we won the cutest mouse competition haha and all of us tot we wouldnt win cos our robot was dressed like a normal mouse whereas others look so professional eg a big JustTea drink packaging, many many different designs.. everyone was shocked why the judge chose our mouse cos it fulfills the theme cutest mouse ma haha. i still rmb i was standing at the stage area den all of us got no hopes at all. my cca pple were all sitting upstairs watching.. den when she announced our school i was like !!! den i was so nervous went up on stage shaked hands and recd the trophy, super alot of students, need to look at cameras too z. i still rmb it was chuiying and others who wrapped the robot up like a mouse.. all of us were so happy! after which when i graduated, heard frm emily they won the cutest mouse again lols! kk back to yesterday.. went mac cafe to drink since it was early for the movie.. watched madagascar escape 2 africa till 6, before watching it i tot it would be quite boring cos when i watched the 1st madagscar movie, it wasnt that nice. i was wrong! madagascar escape 2 africa was so nice!! it was touching too cos alex(lion) reunited with his parents.. melman(giraffe) confessed his love to gloria(hippo) and it was so sweet, it wasnt those sweet talkings like that moto moto(hippo) who tried to go after gloria cos he likes her but it wasnt love cos he dont even know what gloria wants and wad he likes about her. melman knew everything of gloria, he knows what she's thinking, everything, he cant do without her, as long as he has her, he's always happy. it was really sweet and romantic. after movie ate at Go Thai till 8.. walked ard went burger king to chit chat till 9 something.. i was dropped at redhill station den i took train home. reached home at 10 something ba.. i feel so bad, her fren dont wanna take the money ZZZ.

thnks alot baby (: