10 mths passed, soon it will be 1 year. how fast time passes, many memories etched in my mind and heart, frm last christmas till now, soon it will be christmas again. wondering how's he doing, should be fine i guess.


best wishes to him.

after i hanged up the phone, i cried bitterly. torturing. i really miss him alot. but studies now. i realised i did change, i didnt think as much as last time alr.. im just going to enjoy my life wif my girlfrens.. just lead a loner life. now's so cold, hope he's fine..

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

edited.

last sunday was out whole day and i drove that day to and fro fetching cousins, relatives from one place to another. one of my aunt and uncle made nasi lemak for dinner and they made otah. omgosh so many ingredients super tedious. they made 3 different types of otah. one is just plain fish otah, the other wif prawns and the other with sweet potato. they cooked it at the stove with the charcoal de. really interesting to see how my aunt and uncle made otah. den mum and sis massaging the chicken cos cooking emperor chicken. on that day, it was a super wide spread and all 6 families came down to eat tog, real crowded and it was a sumptuous meal, more than 15 plates of dishes on the table. got zhujiao, emperor chicken, 2 different types of big deep fried chicken wings, spareribs with mushroom, kangkong, cauliflower&broccoli mixed veg, chili ikan bilis, otahs, fried egg, fried fish and of course the choice of nasi lemak rice or plain rice. we had so much to eat haha.

past few days busy with school, tiring. now home coms super lousy cos sis lappy spoilt last week still repairing den she's using acer lappy. den ibm lappy just reformated super lag cos no space at all.. today attended marketing lecture, raining hence i was abit late but when i entered was shocked to see so little pple lols but soon many pple entered. most of us were late cos of rain that causes a big jam outside our school and ngee ann poly. after lecture we went megabites but full went over to canteen and accompany the girl (forgot her name) to buy her drink den she went off for lecture. so both of us just walked around sim looking at bazaar at the atrium and this fren saw 3 girlfrens and intro them zz. so we walked tog and went bus stop den all sat 151 cos i need to take that bus home while they alighted few stops to go town. met bro at hougang mall for lunch... back home.. den sis' fren came.. helped them with jigsaw puzzle for fren's bday present. 1000 pieces!! took hours till parents came back at 8 something.

all are lies? of all people, why must do those actions to me? so many years of friendship alr sigh. i dislike it when pple lie and hide from me.

something is wrong with all my blog posts. this post being cut, another post published wrongly sian.. all dates and times published are also wrong. even msn also had troubleshooting error pop up, cant sign in at all. think this old lappy got virus already, no anti virus software at all.

went sakura tampines safra ate dinner with family yest to treat my sis's fren at the same time cos he repaired the ibm lappy. coincidentally, saw my aunt, uncle and cousins haha and we were so shocked and we waved happily. then cousins came over talk with us then we go get food tog.. so crowded yest. ate till so full.. i love the strawberry frozen thingy. after which me and dad just went in jackpot room to take a look and watch pple play, wow the bets were so high. drop sis's fren at paya lebar station den home sweet home.

6 modules to conquer. wow i paid so much attention to MSM (management science methods) today. the chapter today was quite manageable and it was fun haha as well cos it has something to do with those maths pattern stuffs. oh gosh quite a number of assignments are due for submission at the last week of oct. yesterday queen, same marketing lecture as me kept asking me to join netball but i dont wanna join any cca just concentrate on studies besides the training will be held at another place with other sports ccas! cant imagine under the hot scorching sun..

channel 8 repeated drama serial ending at 11pm was so nice. happy families. the last part was nice when all of them were at the park.. alrights 12 le nites.

i was watching channel 8 and channel U drama serials, they were all stories of families.. channel U 10pm show was ridiculous but the adorable small girl yongyi is so cute and sweet. the way she talks is really so cute aww.. since young i love babies and kids alot.. my small cousins are sooo cute :]]

i still rmb watching this nanny daddy.. the baby nicole in there is so cute :]] reminds me of my cousin johnathon.. so cutee when he laughs showing 2 small teeth haha. thruout my life, i seen many of my cousins since baby and still remembering taking care of them, running after them just to feed them, watching over them and playing with them at playground.. still rmb my 5 year old cousin stayed over my hse and i took care of her during the 5 days - bathe, schoolwork, meals, make milk in milk bottle etc. their laughter and smiles brighten your day up.. it will be nice to start a simple family with children.. so sweet and so xin fu..

gone are the good old days. will the good days come back?

i had corporate finance lecture yesterday. though the teacher was boring but i must say she has vast knowledge of this module, she was explaining everything in detail step by step for tutorial so that we can understand. i heard from joyce that her FI lecturer cannot make it, the lecturer couldnt even explain to them when questions were being asked. prior to that, she made them answer true or false questions yet no explanation was given why it was true/false. anyway back to yest, went home after corporate finance, went to meet bro and ate lunch at hougang mall. bro wanted to eat mac so ate there. after lunch headed home.. went bible study at night, it's ending on the 1st week of november. at last the book of matthew has came to an end.. mum fetched me, bought dinner back to eat. while eating, watched that channel U police show.. etc.. my clique which is my girlfrens all concentrating on studies, putting r/s aside cos they wont wan to affect their studies. all of us will work hard together and get good results.

since my piano exam's over, ive been practising this blog song, a very meaningful & impt song in my heart. thank God, i can go grade 8 le. i stopped my piano for so long since beginning 2003 due to Os and As..



waiting..

study hard too.
all the best :]

today was supposed to meet at 3pm but i simply got no mood at all, i wanted to tell my fren i dont wan to meet but cant. reached there only at 4pm.. in the end bought a card at borders only, decided to treat her.. so walked from borders to the cathay at dhoby ghaut there. ate at aston specialities, no idea wad to call so called beef bologa, cream of mushroom included and thought it would be fine but it's not at all. drank cafe mocca. so many pple lining up and it's open air so those pple queuing can see u eating rite infront so wierd. after that went ps they bought those deserts fruits, some ice thingy frm taiwan. didnt order at all juz watch them eat, juz wan to get home asap. den they wan go carrefour so went in the end nth le so said go home.. all of them know i no mood at all cos didnt even talk just stare into air..

learnt my lesson
im waiting, definitely.
nth can change my mind,
dont ask me why,
simply becos i love him too much.

had not been blogging lately. cousin's wedding successful. great experience at reception though most of the time my aunt and uncle are the ones attending to them haha. sch started alr so bored. i wish time will pass quickly. oct is nearing den nov :]]] one important day at beginning nov. soon it will be christmas den new year again real fast. hope everything's going fine for me and him.

kh
missya
loveya

cousin's wedding at swissotel the stamford 31st aug. tmr!! cant wait, need to wake up early tmr and out whole day till nite. tiring day but fun can help in wedding reception wif sis and cousin's sis. still rmb helping emily since she planned her bro's whole wedding but i didnt help much lols. cant wait haha :] very excited.

at that moment when i made that decision last wed, i know i shldnt have any regrets. right now i want to work doubly hard to do well for this degree and hopefully get on with a master degree. time will pass fast. sch's starting in mid sept only, after which oct, nov, dec, jan, feb lessons are ending and it's prelims in march so fast, revision classes followed by that then real exams in may. i must buck up study hard though i know i will not do well for first year, luckily they are only foundation units. cant wait for this sunday reception area!!! so excited, need to go early in the morning i guess if my parents wan to go for tea ceremony and if they cant find a guy to open the wedding door.

today was quite okies :]] shall update later.

i know the truth already. so shocking and i know what decision to make already.

what can i do? nothing just wait. tell everyone im alright yet im not. i force myself to eat, force myself to sleep yet cannot force myself to do it. everytime want to sleep at 2am, lie on bed cant sleep, tossing and turning, crying to myself, eventually slept at 4 then always wake up at 8am cant sleep back cos wake up think of him, tears dripped down but what can i do? my mood down all the way. even last nite's training never even train properly gain 30% only, every nite i can up one level if not 90 over % juz last nite, mood totally down. pple ask me if im fine, i put on a brave front and said im, deep in my heart, im not. no laughter, no joy in my life alr. no matter how funny is it i also cant laugh. i can do is cry and wait. i learnt my lesson. no smile on me at all. i see how worried my parents are. they're usually worried abt my bro not eating but now they're worried abt me not eating only. i prayed to God, leaving all my troubles to him yet im still so emotional. Lord, help me pls, i really cannot take it. i really miss him alot. i type this now and im crying so painfully, so xinku. im glad that im able to msg him and talk to him in ms, i cant expect for more, i miss talking to him on phone too. i really cant do without him, cant live without him. now my life becomes so useless, whole day i didnt do anything at all just go in ms so that im able to see him talk. i really cant take it if touch wood he goes to heaven, i'll be crying like mad, cant get a proper life. it's not easy to forget someone when both of u are deep in it with true love.


4th day.

whenever i listened to my blog song, my tears start to drip down. i feel so terrible. the song which i promised to play to him, i dont have the chance to play now. i really wish for miracle to happen.

this is so suffering. all my sorrows are hidden inside, all i can do is cry secretly in toilet, cry when my parents are not in, the rest of the time like now when my parents are in, i controlled myself so hard. this is the worse i ever experienced in my life. sometimes i really want to question God why!!! God plans for everything, he has a purpose or sometimes a lesson to be learnt by us. my mood totally goes down 24 hours everyday, no laughter nth. yest dinner i forced myself to eat the food. i ate so little, got 2 leftover doufu parents tell me eat, the whole plate of doufu and prawns i never eat at all hence i need to eat, i juz stuff the whole doufu inside my mouth. this morning wake up so empty, i cried. now bloggin also wan to cry, controlling myself. mum knows something is wrong, hence i played ms she never nag at all tell me go settle and do my things first. i wan to help my parents do hsework now even ironing i dont even have the mood. i cried and ironed yest, seriously cannot take it, i stopped ironing. i cant tell my parents what's going on, either can i tell my siblings. no one knows what happened. no idea why first time in my life i refused to let go and never think of other choices, i only want one and only of that choice. i see dad moping floor sweating like mad, i feel so terrible after that afternoon my parents still need to go to office to work. i feel so useless in everything, i feel so xinku, why is my life like that? to everyone, when u found the right person in your life, remember to cherish that person, every single moment treasure it, dont wait till the last minute when it's too late for u to regret like the useless me.


2nd day

life's getting worse for me. no appetite, no mood. it's worse ever. mum even asked me today why i looked so tired. sorry for everything, i regretted. ive no idea what u doing but i know u want to play hard and study hard. just to let you know, i'll be waiting. no idea if now u'll still be reading my blog. i wish u will.

1day

hope life is getting better each day. pretty slack at home, sch's starting soon, hectic life again but probably good keep my mind occupied. yeah play hard study hard, pray that i dont give any nonsense but hope u know what ur doing. 2 more weeks or so to wedding. went facial today few mths didnt go there le, the beauticians said my looks changed lols. true, my looks indeed changed haha. hope i'll get what i want, just a simple wish to be fulfilled :]]