something's wrong with my blog song. have been playing it on piano for past days. kept reminding me of the past.

exams finally ended on 21st may after a long gruelling month. was totally stressed up for 2 mths. i wonder why the papers are getting tougher and tougher each year. it's worse than studying for A levels. for A levels, i didnt really put in much effort but for this exams it's too much to study. UOL really lives up to their standard. i took pics of my coloured pens which i used for my notes. den while studying i was so bored, i used the eraser rubbings to form the word TY lols. i was that bored.

10 MAY

Mothers' Day. abt 3 plus, me and sister started choosing pics dated back from 2002 till now. finally chose 76 photos out of 1000 over pics. halfway printing those pics, printer had no ink z. so only printed 15 pages, each page has 4 photos. so bro laminated all the photos den both sis and i cut out one photo at a time. we chose those more impt photos to be on the pinboard & cut out happy mothers' day words and sis thought hard of the msg and i wrote on the borders of the board. here's a pic of it. den bro went to collect cake. at nite mum came back, kept calling her to ask where was she den knew she's at the basement carpark, i immediately pasted the card i made outside my hse door haha. den i held the cake, sis held the board. we hid and when our mum walked in, we surprised her wif the cake and board! here's the pic of the board and cake.

23rd May
supposed to help out at boutique but mum said she can manage hence dad also fetched me over at 6pm.. tried on a pink long jacket vest which i love it. closed at 8 something den head over to changi village to eat. the china salesgirl came along with my family too since she has no friends here. den oh ya last week she went to our church cos my mum invited her.. anw at changi village ate the usual stingray, lala, kangkong, egg.. bro told us he saw small crabs in lala which i was so excited abt it den took photo.

PAST WEEKS

my bro saw this article on straits times some small portion, forgot what it was. anyway it's about maple marriage which makes me think back about how some guys really feel about it though they didnt meet real life. i just cant believe what some of them said which makes me wonder about my past about mine.

my dog was caught eating her pack of dog food cos my dad left the leftovers which cant be poured into the container in a box tied with rubber band. however, my dog still managed to take it out of the box as well as the rubber band -.- my dad heard some sound and caught her in action. she was so scared that she just stoned there and refused to move nor come out of that food bag. LOL super hilarious.

at last principles of accounting (POA) paper is over. didnt have enough time though the paper was 3 hours, i didnt attempt a section C 20 marks question -.- and i knew how to do that variance operating statement aww. anyway it's over, i can pass that's all i need. Yesterday went hougang mall with bro, he went to eat at there cos he got a paper in the afternoon. i didnt eat there, went there to order the chocolate classico cake for mothers' day from four leaves cos my sis said my mum loves it and went to buy the chipboard, those that u pin notices on the board.. my sis suggested doing collage for mum and a big photo frame would be good but i saw at popular they have this chipboard so i tot we make do with that. i made a mothers' day card 2 weeks ago.. tonite we will be printing out pics of our family and cut and pin on the board. now im all alone at home again lols cos my sister went out wif frens, parents went boutique after which mum is going to MANGO fashion show at orchard, bro had tuition. time to study again. i got 3 papers next week -.- 2 on wed and 1 on thurs. when my frens from sim heard it, all wish me good luck -.- cos it's macroeconomics & principles of marketing tog omgosh and my marketing notes is 998 pages altogether T_T thurs is principles of banking and finance also memory work -.- it's worse than A levels. i can die from memorising. that's why 5 days for these 3 subjects aint enough. i guess i better go off.

seen the doctor for 2nd time last wed and on thurs at last the fever subsided at nite. thanks so much to my mum who prepared the soup for me every morning for me to cook my mian xian.. thanks my sister for taking the towel helping me wipe my body and face as well cos i was crying last wed when my fever didnt subside. she also bought liang cha for me the next day thanks so much. was pretty busy this whole week. stayed home thruout the whole week without stepping out to buy lunch LOL. just bury myself in my books cos no time left le. kk time to go back and study. JYJY! i can do it!

didnt blog for a long time already cos i was busy studying and i was sick. this is my 4th day having fever of 38.3 degree celsius though i left the last 2 fever tablets for today. i cried this morning cos my fever always come back every morning when i wake up and i cant study for my exams which make me even more worried and stressed.

omgosh anw thank God i just checked my email and i found out i won the CATS Classified Young Classified - My Most Memorable Holiday contest. Every 2 weeks they will choose 3 winners, we just need to post in a photo of our holiday with a caption less than 35 words and i won $50 taka voucher!! It was published 2 weeks ago sunday (12th April).

this was what i sent in:
Despite the temperature of -12 degrees celsius, my parents and I endured the coldness just to capture the scenery outside the cottage that we stayed in Korea because it was simply too beautiful.

pretty tired with the ongoing lessons. had sch on fri to sun from 10am to 5pm and monday 3.30pm to 6.30pm. sat went out wif family after sch and sun i stayed home after sch didnt go grandma's hse cos i was really exhausted. for march and this april, i was either in school or at home. exams are pretty much a nightmare for me, i am so stressed up everyday as those modules kept running thru my head. i am trying not to scare myself too much or else i can never get those facts into my head. sometimes i kept asking myself what do i want to achieve in my life? i will be graduating next year may. time seems to pass so fast and most of us will be finishing year 2. looking back at past years, i regretted many actions i have taken. My parents are right, this is the time for me to study. I will be helping out at their office after exams but i would love to work at the airport because i wanna see those aeroplanes. Anyway since i am home all the time, my dog is the one who accompanies me and makes me happy haha. i still remember how frightened i was when she was being brought to my house on 14th jan 08. i was standing on the chair all day long lols. my sister was telling me not to be afraid. However, as time goes by, i overcome my fear and simply love her now. She's the fiercest dog i ever seen cos she behaves like a shepherd dog haha. she behaves like a real human kid haha i am serious. i will be studying at the living room everyday and she will be sitting on my lap all the long and my legs become numb and stiff. Her wound is healing but it splits open again cos she loves to run and tends to knock everywhere. she still looks cute in her cone. i took many pics of her while she's sleeping in my room everynite, shall post one day. i dont know why i love to bring her to my room and put her on my bed to sleep with me. she's like a super good buddy to me le -.- hence i cried yesterday when i tot my mum wanna give her away but it was my dad who pulled the trick. she's always there to accompany me when i am lonely and to make me happy when i am sad..

on fri (27/3) went for marketing uol revision lecture 10 to 5pm after which went orchard station to meet them - joycelyn, keng ngee, michelle, samihah, ps and jz. cos i was late so they went 1st den i went there to meet them. i ordered chicken culet with fries not bad but serving's too little.. around 8pm we left cos mich and ps wanna eat ice-cream so they went paragon while me, keng ngee, joyce and samihah went taka shop for wf's present but went to tangs later on to get the present. den mich, ps and jz met us at tangs & wanna go pub at somerset to drink and enjoy the music -.- it was 9pm at that time. me and joyce said we wanna go home lols cos tmr got sch plus we also dont drink -.- and im not gg to enter that place. so keng ngee, samihah, joyce and me went home 1st but 6 of us took a pic outside tangs before leaving. home sweet home.

on sat (28/3) went for corporate finance uol revision lecture 10 to 5pm. i was late so didnt join the 5 of them so i sat at the last row den during break shifted to sit with them cos theirs was 8th row from the front and there're more than 500 students in that lecture hall. lunch we went canteen to eat, overcrowded cos everyone's lunch time is at 1pm -.- my cousin's lecture was also on that day and with 500 over students as well and our canteen and megabites cant even accommodate to over 500 students. then i met my cousin while lining up for my chicken chop spaghetti. ate with weifang, joyce, jiaying while alicia and her fren went ngee ann to eat. after school left with joyce to take train at clementi station and i was thinking of that woman who felt giddy and fell into the mrt tracks at clementi z. met parents at bugis to check smtg den bought mcflurry den went wisma wif mum to check smtg too and collect clothes from osmose den went home fetch bro and we went tampines giant and i drove home. home sweet home.

yesterday sun (29/3) went for corporate finance uol revision lecture 10 to 5pm again. was late again z den joined the 4 of them later on. so lunch took bus to king albert's park mac to eat cos only megabites open dots. so can see mac all full of sim pple -.- 5 of us - joyce, weifang, jiaying, alicia and me ate till 1.50pm den took bus back. 4.15 my lecture ended den went out saw my cousin lol cos my dad was supposed to fetch us to our grandma hse. in the end called dad, he was at dog clinic and it wasnt sachi turn yet cos sachi got infection den got patches of blood on her body poor thing. now that portion of her hair was cut off become botak den she was wearing a cone shape thingy so cute. back to the story, my cousin called her dad & her dad was fetching us so me and her waited in school till 5.45pm -.- den wah got 4 cousins inside the car already plus uncle z so i squeezed wif 4 cousins and the back while the cousin whom i waited with sat infront. went grandma's hse. lots of food during dinner as usual ate alot haha got our favourite lala too, 3kg of lala not enough for us z. after dinner went with aunties, uncle, grace and johnathon baby to prime supermarket and they bought mini cornettos for us children haha and i brought 4 year old grace back first wif the ice-cream. went out road talked to auntie and 11 year old cousin abt the incidents we met when driving car cos my auntie also just passed driving. now among us cousins, my oldest 2 cousins can drive already and are driving. im the 3rd oldest and i passed too followed by my 20 year old cousin also passed le.. next my sister who's learning her practical now taking exam in may i think. went home at 9 plus plus. saw sachi lee with her cone shaped thingy at her head so poor thing but she looks cute in it lol. since she cant scratch herself and when i see her scratching but got blocked i go scratched for her till she's not itchy le z.

as days passed, im getting more and more stressed as exams are nearing. this week revision classes are starting already, i will be having 3 weeks of sat and sun lessons from 10am to 5pm gosh. this fri nite meeting up with jc classmates, joyce, mich, samihah, ps and jz for dinner and to catch up with each other. joyce was saying a way to let us relax and not be stressed for a moment haha. alright gtg study and do my bsf hw le.

on 1st march, went jiaying's 21st bday celebration at her hse. dad fetched me there cos it was at yew tee. wah so many pple including her church, iras, jc and relatives.. her hse was overcrowded -.- so me and weifang took lift then when the door lift opened we were shocked cos the buffet was right in front of us lols. both weifang and i were the only group with 2 of us the rest had more than 10 pple in their group. cake cutting was wierd cos only me and weifang stood there to take photo whereas other groups was btwn 15 to 20 pple there -.- jy's bf and churchmates r so sweet, they formed happy birthday words and her name chinese name in glowsticks at the carpark and they asked her to look down from the balcony. they shouted happy bday jiaying, at that time we can see so many heads popping out and down from the opposite blocks haha. left at 8.30pm den weifang and i waited downstairs for my dad to come. home sweet home.

on 7th march, went yusuf's 22nd bday celebration at Royal Plaza Hotel restaurant Carousel. before going there i heard it was 40 bucks per person. met earlier wif fahmy at ps at 6pm to go buy present for him to top up the one which amanda already bought. went off to royal plaza soon after that. was shocked to see the price for the dinner that sat nite. it was 60 bucks per person -.- best buffet ever eaten. i never seen so much varieties in my life. it was so so so nice! i can even choose spaghetti, shell pasta or linguinie with whatever sauce i wan like pesto, tomato etc and the chef will cook. there's chicken rice station also -.- it's chicken rice balls, roasted chicken, white chicken, 2 different kind of soups. the cakes are so nice! it's not only those small cakes which are already being cut but also whole thick chocolate kind of cake.. cake and brownie that kind. got all kinds of food which we can never ever finish trying all in one night. there's chocolate fountain too, fondue! love it! i kept going there to dip the mashmallows, fruits so many different types on this 3 to 4 layers high of chocolate. yummy!

on 14th march, went with family and relatives to NUS guild hse. my aunt and uncle is a member of the NUS guild hse hence they got vouchers and were asking us to go there for karoke and to eat dinner there. so in the end only my family can make it for dinner out of the 5 families my aunt asked so we ate with them. my aunt and uncle ordered so much food -.- we didnt know what they ordered cos we were late. too much food -.- after that went wif grace, my 4 year old cousin to find my other aunt's family upstairs then i went in the karoke place first wif my cousin cos she wanna see -.- so we stood there to see a lady sing "If we hold on together" after which we left the karoke place. den i left my cousin with aunt went in jackpot place to see. wah so many pple den took their free mocca drink to drink haha den i brought out one more cup for my cousin cos they cant go in. den my aunt and uncle who are the members came up and we went for karoke at 8.30pm.. den my sis and i singing with my uncle only -.- i sang lao su ai da mi lol plus some others like if we hold on together too. den soon the adults went missing -.- mostly went jackpot and dad won 120 bucks! den cousins and bro missing went out play pool z den join them awhile den soon my 20 year old cousin came cos she went for NUS concert that nite. den me and her went in jackpot place bring out drinks for her siblings and my bro haha. den went back sing till 11.30pm z. den all of us went out den my aunt and uncle wanna go jackpot so we watched pple play till 12.25.. den some of us already too tired hence waited outside.. den my cousins and bro playing daiti -.-

on 15th march, went grandma's hse for dinner. so much food gosh! played daiti with cousins and bro cos they short of one player z. every sunday it's really heartwarming to see all of us gathering and all relatives so close together. when i was seeing, i was really happy to see this sight. all of us left at 9 like that den i drove home. my 2nd uncle going to open up a nasi lemak stall at buona vista but he stays at hougang z. anw cos my 3rd uncle's wife is a dentist and it's currently at holland village just upstairs coffeebean. they even had a website http://www.hollandvillagedental.com.sg/ and my cousin's (their daughter) photo was up there with theirs too z. then they want to move to a bigger area hence was asking my 2nd uncle to join with them at buona vista and i heard the renovation fees are so ex. anw they gonna call it dental cafe -.- however my family does not go there for dental z, we go to our granduncle de at Parklane, Dr Leong Joo Kee and partners. famous dentist and super experienced. that nite i had nth to do and i went compare the 2 dental websites lol.

anw im not able to use com le z. one week once maybe -.-

anw.. decided to concentrate on studies for 2 years as in after degree do masters if possible =x provided my results r good. i so sian of ms already. last nite me and ms dear playing mega like tt dots. time to study!

after all we are not meant to be ba. our thinking is different but it does not mean im open-minded. those who knows me real life knows what kind of person i am. it's best in a r/s the guy loves the girl more and hence he will love everything of her. since im not the type of girl, i guess there's no point le. anw exams are over today! final paper today haha! but tmr i'll start mugging again and i planned my time table for it z for may exams.

poa's over but right now im so stressed up cos tmr's macroecons -.- super stressed up till i dont know what i can do right now. anyway i console myself by saying this is only prelims, like mock exams which they dont even really mark. besides that, poa question paper has so many typo errors dots, questions also not clear, can see the ang moh lecturers from london set it in a hurray. saw the news abt the indonesian chinese, a eee student who stabbed his lecturer twice z, i guess there must be some disagreements btwn the 2 of them previously hence they were arguing during the final year project discussion. i wonder why he cut his wrist before jumping down? so that he will die cos he jumped frm 4th floor only? it's such a pity, it's his final year already yet this has to happen. the girl who witnessed him jumping will sure be traumatised, cant imagine she witnessing the jump and blood just ooze out.. my uncle edited all the bday and photoshoot photos le.

anw back to that day, fetched parents from airport with sister guiding me phew cos ive no idea the way to airport. i freaked out in car cos i was driving at 90km/hr only whereas all other cars drove a 120km/hr and all overtook me -.- finally reached airport parked and went find parents at belt 37 SQ117 i think. den forgot the angmoh came back with my parents also -.- in the end all of us wore home clothes z. she was so funny. my parents told us stories of her, all of us laughing like mad haha.

back to just now, my fren was using my xfannx to train and i was using my didi acc to find my fren but my fren didnt know it was me. so solosinz123 from hollywood came along asking to buy white essence i said alright so i asked my fren to sell him but my fren didnt know it was me and just ignored me. solo asked his fren dess to trade me but i didnt accept cos it shld be my character xfannx. in the end solo scolded f words at me and my fren becos he waited so long & no one wanna trade him to sell. so pissed off. wanted to pm million888 but wasnt online nvm forget it. i stopped playing ms for a period of time till june. my fren will be using it to spam z.

yesterday whole day have been driving ard, drove bro to sch den back home, den drove to buy lunch den same time drove bro back, den drove him to his tuition den back home, den fetched him from tuition den bought dinner back same time. lol i drove over the kerb at my hse downstairs. later driving to airport to fetch parents cos sister suggested den parents also ok with it.

edited
now is 18th feb 12am! sms-ed to my dad happy birthday le!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!

so busy today. parents left for KL this afternoon. left hse at 6.30 quickly went hougang mall buy dinner for bro den rush back. wanted bro to go with me cos i will be late for bible study, 1st lesson somemore. in the end reached home left hse waited for bus for so long still didnt arrive. hais no choice didnt go for bible study so went back home. reached home ate my dinner, went wash up kitchen so many ants -.- den washed bro's uniform till my whole body all wet z and washed mum, sis and my "stuffs", 12 of it cos never wash for 4 days. no maid so everything need to do le. after that went down iron bro's uniform for his sch tmr. went bathe, cleaned dog's poo and urine so many times z la. den i haven even touch any of my studies at all dots. tmr need to wake up at 6 plus am to wake my bro up z den drive him to school or hougang station zz hope my driving will be alright haha.

sobs i wan my xFaNNx get HT neck, egg, gene 30, mw haha! AR also sian. guess need to do service ba. quit ms ba. what's the point of high level.

im gonna stop blogging for a moment.

edited

im always been seen online often these few days reason being my time-table! so frustrated abt it. it was first said to start on 9th feb at 3pm and i had lessons on that day at 3.30pm. i tot of going to school earlier to the school's computer lab. but at 10 plus, joyce called me to tell me not to go to school cos the school's computer lab are all filled up cos she's at sch at that time. no choice i didnt go to school, i glued to the com at 12 plus logged in did survey first. all of us just glued to the com getting ready for 3pm to chiong in and book. in the end at 2.30 we recd a msg that the school's server was down again -.- waste my time. den recd another msg saying the eRev time-table selection will be postponed till further notice. after which 13th feb morning at 10 plus i recd a msg from sch saying eRev will be on that day at 3pm -.- i got school at 12pm den joyce called me to tell me cannot go school again have to stay home to choose. glued to com till 2.45pm recd a msg saying system down -.- dots la. den another msg saying it will be postponed den another msg again saying it will be postponed till further notice. wah so angry. den today morning 10 plus while i was sleeping recd the sch's msg again saying eRev will be today at 7pm dots and i got woke up by that msg. soon after joyce called my home phone cos my hp was diverted to mac delivery lols. i still went sch as usual but left earlier and i reached home at 6.56pm. just nice z. before that in shuttle bus called mum tell mum help me switch on the com cos i dont have the pw. jy also called me z. that period we are like so busy -.- den we all conference z choose till wan vomit blood. den 7.54pm confirmed den later my frens callled me again ask me change again cos suddenly got earlier dates available dots. i keep changing diao. only can make changes for 3 times now left last try le. my time-table like shat, so many saturday and sunday 10am to 5pm -.- sian.

after so long i feel that nobody understands me better than he does. all of a sudden i miss him so much, those memories we had and my tears just rolled down my cheeks. i really do miss him hais.

edited

15/2

today i went to grandma hse den cousin got hamster i carry den kept shouting z den my cousin put on my leg haha. came back home have to spin clothes den put in dryer. den washing machine spoilt so left this lump of soap lol. the washing machine new de. den i took pic of sachi on my mattress. den i went iron clothes. parents came back we cut the cake. super nice! tastes like ferror rocher for the middle part of cake super nice.

14/2

v day was wow. on the streets saw so many couples -.- somemore bouquet of flowers z. anw nite time supposed to go out with family eat. in the end inside car hais den mum no mood eat all go dabao go home eat. dad bought vday cake in the end didnt cut.

13/2
i learnt to bake brownie from sister and baked this lol. it's very nice.

got scolded so badly just now from start of dinner 8pm hence i cried thruout till now cos i lost my hse main door key.. den she started scolding me for studies, maid everything that she could say me. i was so sad, really depressed that i kept crying. den i recd a msg and read which made me even worse. i msged back and cried while msging. even till now im typing this post. im crying now cos not for her scolding but the msg. double blow to me. maybe it's really time to let go?

my mum scolded me thruout the journey last sunday on the way to fetch my cousin for the photoshoot. she said if i want to do things shldnt do halfway cos for eg photoshoot since im going for it for my 21st bday kind of shoot and i should just go enjoy it. i didnt pack the clothes and everything for the photoshoot, i did it last minute at 3 plus after my poa lessons hence my uncle waited for me for hours :/ my mum said i always like to procrascinate, true. hence my mum said since got my bday pt, cny den photoshoot, i just enjoy myself first, after everything is over seriously concentrate on my studies (: so yeah from now on pure studying.

now there isnt any maid, im back to ironing clothes for whole family -.- my hse clothes too much to iron, we changed too many times in one day le. all dishes everything all need to wash ourselves le, floor also need to mop, toilet also, even dog poo and urine also need to clear and clean up. sachi the doggie purposely poo and urine dunno how many times, i changed 6 times for her in one day plus my parents 2 times, 8 times -.- busy period again plus prelims are coming -.- i can just go flunk my prelims (:

last sunday went uncle's hse for photoshoot. my 24 year old cousin came along too to take with me (: my uncle is a senior lecturer in tp but he has interest in photography. my bday pt that day he brought those umbrella shape props for photo taking. reached his hse was shocked to see the studio being set up, he bought the whole set of equipments -.- he's very high tech, he will buy those latest IT and electronics gadgets de, he even had a room just for watching movie with big screen and full range of those audio and sound systems. IT stuffs we saw a look alike photo frame at the stairsway and it turned out to be an LCD screen showing slide shows of all the photoshoots he took, it was so COOL! my cousin and i wore formal at first den dress den casual/sports wear. we reached late.. supposed to be 3.30 but cos i got something on, we reached there only at 5.30. so make up everything already near 6.30, sis helped me make up lol cos i dunno how z den took till 7.40 den we rest, changed to casual and went down for dinner. continued after dinner, we took face emotions shots, sports attire shorts and we held tennis rackets haha. rich the doggie so cute, it seems he knows we are taking photos hence he walked over to the front of us facing the camera and sat down and posed with us LOL. finished everything at 10 plus it was so late le, luckily my uncle has no lectures the following day. my cousin and i enjoyed ourselves, it was an experience. uploaded pics that were taken by sis wif digi cam on that day. my uncle will pass the soft copies when he finished editting my bday and this photoshoot photos.

for those who are asking the photos for my bday, i uploaded the digi cam photos, just abit of pics., not clear as well so sorry about that. click under 21st bday thanks.

http://s217.photobucket.com/albums/cc36/pinkblooms/
(it's locked, ask me for the pw)

2 years passed and suddenly contacted me again. i didnt reply but he called as usual and i just ignored. why is it at this time suddenly, everything just start popping out. sian vday coming also, this year like everything in a rush cant do anything.

my uncle's still editing my bday party photos. hope he will pass me the soft copies soon.

hais no mood to post. always in my mind all day long yet i hurt another. what decision shld i make? this time im really lost.

busy new year, shall update when im free and i when i can use com cos now using sis com for a while only.

so busy this whole week. super busy. dont even have time to touch the com, no time to practise piano and study as well..

cant wait for every friday ((: oops forgot i went watch red cliff on fri actually haha. next movie will be jack neo's new movie & fann wong's one. jack neo's one is so funny, saw the trailer before the red cliff started. one part is a woman asking a man, "are u really benny's father?" the man replied "then do i look like his mother?" LOL so funny! then got one part hui ge was so funny he said he can form a sentence using colours which is.. "When the phone rings "Green, Green", I "pink" up the phone and say "yellow", "Blue" is this? "White" do you want? You dont "purplely" call me. If you make me angry, I wont call you "black". lols so funny la. It should be, when the phone rings "Ring, Ring", I pick up the phone and say hello, who is this? What do you want? You dont purposely call me. If you make me angry, I wont call you back. hahas.

trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzVgbZE22Jk

nites off to bed.

went to watch red cliff 2 last fri at amk hub. nice movie! so funny, we kept laughing hahaa.

i kept asking myself what for i think. useless also ma. i should just get on with life, lead a happy life, do well in studies. why emo for what also pointless. no more emo posts ((:

why is my life always like that? why is it always filled with obstacles? why is it not smooth-sailing. why is it always be filled with bitterness, pain, sorrows. so unfair. WHY?!!! each time im feeling more sad. will i ever be happy? charmaine, stop thinking too much! so stressed up by everything. prelims coming soon it's final exams. time passes so fast.

<3

my mum just left for hongkong this early morning. last nite 4 plus am she suddenly came down to my room to use the com -.- gave me a big shock cos sachi was in my room den she suddenly howled and barked so loudly. mum forgot to choose her plane seat haha. in the end she switched on com and went in the website only to realise the seat was chosen for her already :/ den she went upstairs to her room le haha.

yesterday (sat)
woke up straightaway bathed went off wif parents. fetched sis from comfort driving centre cos she still has 45 mins to her final theory test 12.50pm, den went enterprise 1 office to buy tea and kaya toast. dad dropped mum and i at office cos the accountant is there doing last year's account and my dad sent my sis for her test. dad came back sat for 20 mins den left to fetch my sis lol grats she passed her final theory test on 1st attempt too! cant wait for her to pass her practical driving as well den both of us can drive haha! maybe dad's buying a car for us YEAH! dad came back to fetch mum and i, den dad dropped mum and sis at city plaza to get clothes den dad dropped me at amara shopping centre at 2pm to help my aunt at my mum's boutique. so messy z den i climbed up and down packing those clothes stock in the cupboard cos it's till the ceiling -.- whatever tedious stuffs my aunt want to do i just tell her i will do lol cos she's already 60. like packing all these, i'll label all the clothes and carry up, my aunt just passed the clothes to me.. ironing i also go "snatch" from her to do cos i know it's tiring using that standing steam iron, den let her go think what clothes shld be wore on the models haha. my mum also said we must have initiative ma. we were packing and hence didnt open up the shutters fully den many wanted to come in but we told them to come in later. we opened near 3pm no choice.. one indian customer came to collect her clothese cos my mum said will shift the clothes button for her. my mum even put a stud dere & shifted the 1st button. she came in she wasnt happy and said it's to shift all the buttons not 1. my aunt was saying no she said first button only and my aunt kept insisting on that -.- den the customer said "im so disappointed with you all. is this how you treat your customers, dont even take in customer's instructions." my aunt was like grumbing that she only said shift first button only zz. when i heard it i was like die den i put on a smile, told her nicely "im so sorry abt that, i will shift all the buttons for you and put another stud there. im really so sorry about that." after which the indian customer cooled down and said "i will come back in 10 days. get this done." -.- zz. soon mum, dad, sis came wif new stocks. dad left for home den mum, aunt, sis and i were in boutique.. den so many pple came.. it was like non stop -.- me and aunt didnt even eat lunch at all cos too many customers zz den all the customers only left near 7pm. i went to tanjong pagar plaza buy cai fan cos it's really cheap 2 bucks. so i dabao, ate my lunch and dinner tog at boutique lol. den settle all the accounts, dad & bro came to fetch us den we went pasa malam at there, i just buy pokka green tea. back to hougang to buy dinner and dropped aunt den went home (:

last tues (6/1)
after corporate finance lect i was walking down wif my 3 girlfrens to the bus stop to take bus home. den suddenly joyce and weifang said they're gg to jurong point cos got new extension den joyce also need to wait for her frens at there till 6 plus. den they asked me and jiaying if we wanna follow along.. so i was like anything ba den i followed them but jy went home.. so went jurong point, ate at subway, shared wif joyce a subway melts footlong meal den we went walking round whole of jurong point, went in most of the shops. joyce bought a top and i just tried a top as well for fun haha. then we went skin food, thefaceshop which was in korea as well cos i wanted to check the prices haha. yeah in spore they sell the mask for eg thefaceshop 3 for s$10 but i bought in korea 1 for s$1.90 only lol. then skin food mask sells 1 for S$5 and S$8 also have in spore but in korea they sell only 1 for S$1.90 -.- so much cheaper la zz. then we walked den looked at those cute stuffs so cute!! got toilet paper holder which is toothpaste the big tube design thingy, dont know how to explain. many many stuffs. den weifang bought a small scooter display for her fren's bday so cute and nice! we went drink sweettalk bubble tea sat down and talked den soon joyce's fren came le.. so me and weifang left to go home!

it's no longer the same.. le. things really aint the same anymore. i still rmb how particular it was abt the.. but now.. it's like back to the incident in aug alr, i had enough le.

exams are coming. end feb's my prelims. may's my final exams.

sometimes im really so afraid. it's so unpredictable.. change my mind again after.. i shldnt think so much. be happy (:

ive already made up my mind, my final decision. memories are definitely there, no matter what it's always there cos it was simply too deep le. till now im still writing our names on my new foolscap cover cos my old one finished le. the old one also had our names on it.

on 31st uncle fetched quite early after which went his hse to fetch laura and aunty tong lynn den head off. uncle parked at suntec from there we walked to spore flyer cos he reserved tables at O'Learys SPORTSBAR & GRILL zz. i saw the menu in the car then i was like O.O cos all so ex. quite a long walk to spore flyer cos we didnt know where's the restaurant too.. den same time took pics of flyer. didnt know what happened to the flyer on 23rd dec till i came back from my trip on 28th. at the sportsbar, uncle ordered mocktails for us.. 10 mocktails and 1 ice lemon tea for laura. mocktail costs 7 bucks each -.- 6 of them ordered fish and chips and it's 17 bucks each. aunty tong lynn and me ordered linguini, 20+ bucks. laura ordered a plate of 6 chicken wings wif fries, my uncle ordered spare ribs 26+ bucks, one cousin ordered steak 22+bucks. den uncle ordered 1 extra fish and chip and spare ribs for us to share -.- altogether 13 dishes o.o we all like all stuffing ourselves zz so full they kept asking us to eat. den i almost finished my mocktail when i found an ant in there z den they gave me a new cup. uncle paid all :/ my cousins and i were whispering to each other how to pay him back really feel so bad. the whole spore flyer there was so empty also. they got mini performance there but so little pple z den went over to the grass patch near floating platform but need to stand till 12 when it was only 9 something den so empty as well probably cos too early so we walked back to spore flyer area. to our delight, we found so many stone tables empty.. so we cousins sat one table, my uncle, 2 aunties & laura sat another table. 7 of us played taiti, took turns 4 first den winner get to play wif the 3 later and so on. den uncle and aunts played donkey wif laura -.- we played halfway got cockroach z den all ran to another stone table den continued playing. i stopped playing after that.. auntie came over to learn and play taiti too.. soon it was 11.45pm.. den we just walk over to the sea there den a grp of 5 pple just shouted 10,9,...3,2,1 then we saw fireworks.. so nice!! so big, so much.. super nice. den finished watching went off le. walked back to suntec den uncle fetched wenyi, xinyi back home. bro and i went to their hse to wait for parents to fetch us. home sweet home.

yest packed my whole table, so clean and neat le :) printed out mthly time table also. that day went library borrow a storybook yet to read yet.. printed all my macro lecture notes as well. last nite wrapped my bro's sec 4 books -.- 8 books zz.

edited
2009 is just tomorrow. looking back in 2008 resolutions, some were not achieved yet. 2008 was a year of happiness and sorrows. my life was full of ups and downs. after 6 days of breakaway, i really reflected, i know what's meant to be mine will be mine but those meant not to be mine no matter how much i do will still not be mine. 1 year 5 days have already passed, 391 days in all but it seems we only know each other for less than that. im living my own world, i rather be alone, a loner that's the best. the 6 days enabled me to temporarily let off all my unhappiness for that 6 days only and that was the only time i can stop thinking about those. im so lost but all i can do now is to study hard. again i hope 2009 will be a year full of happiness, that's what i wished for 2008 as well and i seriously hope it will be pls. it's really so torturing and painful and it's so difficult to recover, i dont wish to experience that again. some how or rather i know, i just need to wait patiently, no rush to get into one, studies first.


2008 RESOLUTIONS
1. Find a job (worked in best denki)
2. Be stronger (i guess not)
3. Do well for prelims and exams (nope)
4. Be more diligent (maybe)
5. Pass my practical for driving (passed on 1st aug)
6. Hope to go for piano practical exam (went on sept 19)
7. Meet up with my sec sch frens (not really)
8. Have better time management (nope)
9. Get involved in more church activities (not really)
10. Take up new activities (none)
11. Be happy always no matter what happens (not at all)
12. Enjoy myself in 2008!!! FUN!!! WOOHO!!! (yes and no)

2009 RESOLUTIONS
1. To be strong no matter what happens in my life
2. Wish for a miracle that was what i wrote on my new foolscap cover 2 weeks ago.
3. Study dilligently
4. Get the good grades which i want
5. To be less emotional
6. Wait for..
7. Last but not least, to be happy and see the smile in my life.

hope he will study hard, success in everything he does, last but not least happiness.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY COUSIN, XIAOYAN JIEJIE! (1st Jan)

1. What have you been doing recently?
- school, nth much.
2. Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
- yeah everynite when i sleep.
3. When did you last cry?
- last nite. eh no just now only.
4. Believe in fate/destiny?
- depends.
5. What do you want in your life now?
- good grades, happiness.
6. Whats your favourite thing to have on ur bed?
- my baobao.
7. Whats the nicest thing in your inbox?
- 600 over msges by him. but everything is past le hais.
8. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
- i just wan a simple & sweet one but think i failed in that.
9. What was the last movie you caught?
- The day the earth stood still.
10. What are you proud of?
- nth much?
11. What does your oldest text msg in your inbox says?
- cant rmb. deleted.
12. What was the last song you sang out loud?
- yue ding? also past alr hais.
13. Do you have any nicknames?
- char, charmander, charlizard, fann, fan haha.
14. What does your last text msg says?
- no choice ma. want earn money den need to work. o.0
15. What time did you go to bed last night?
- 2am no choice got project.
16. Are you currently happy?
- nope.
17. Who did you talk on the phone last night?
- none.
18. Is something bugging you now?
- yeah.
19. What/who was the last person to make you laugh?
- my sis.
20. Who was the last person you missed a call from?
- daddy.
21. Have you ever had your heart broken?
- yup.
22. What is the colour of your room?
- purple & white.
23. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion bucks?
- i dont hate pple & i dont kill.
24. Who was the last person to lie in your bed?
- me myself.
25. Who was the last person to hug you?
- that happened last year.
26. Did you see the last person you kissed recently?
- i kissed nobody real life this year.
27. Do you have a life?
- guess not.
28. What is the reason behind your profile song?
- wad profile? there isnt any song only my blog has. very impt song.
29. Who was the last person you saw in yr dreams?
- him. but there's nth i can do also.
30. Last time you smiled?
- quite long ago.
31. Have you changed this year?
- yes of course.
32. Are you talking to someone while doing this?
- nope.
33. Do you walk with your eyes closed or open?
- open.
34. Is there a quote you live by?
- dont think too much.
35. Do you want someone you can never have?
- YES sad. what can i do?
36. Have you ever played an instrument?
- piano, guitar.
37. What were you doing last night at 11pm?
- thinking of him?
38. Are you happy with your love life now?
- no love life.
39. What song best describes your love life?
- no idea. just failure.
40. Does the person know you like him/her?
- not like is love. yeah but what can i do?
41. Who always makes you laugh?
- nobody can make me laugh le. in the past it's him.
42. What do you think you are like?
- irritating person.
43. Who will you choose to die with?
- alone why pull other pple along?
44. Where have you been today?
- sch & taka.
45. Who are you missing now?
- him. but also useless le..
46. If you had to choose between your friend or your lover which will you choose?
- lover.
47. What are you doing right now?
- quiz.
48. Name 3 colours that you like?
- pink, black, white.
49. What is your life to you ?
- Life's terrible & xinku.

today woke up late, parents went church themselves.. went to tampines giant and ikea, i drove there den dad took over to park lols cos my parking aint good & my parents are rushing for time. went straight to ikea cafe to eat, ate my favourite pasta (penne) wif tomato sauce, the all-time-favourite chicken wings, bought one cup for coffee or tea & it's refillable. after eating, drank my first cup of coffee den a family was waiting, so my mum cleared up everything and wiped the table lols so dont need to bother the cleaners to clear up.. my mum told the family to take 2 seats first den the parents went buy food leaving the son there. so i went for my second round of coffee, long queue. went back, the parents was walking behind me with food alr.. so i told my mum let's just leave, i'll just stand and drink the coffee den the parents asked me to sit so we were said it's alright den they thanked us haha. so walked to the entrance/exit of ikea but i cant leave the cafe cos it's their cup lols den saw sis haha. she came over after her work at sia i think. dad and sis helped me put creamer & sugar & i stood at the entrance/exit to drink. it was wierd cos im the only one standing at the entrance drinking but nvm las, many pple are waiting for seats. so i drank like half cup cant drink anymore so went to put it at the clearing area.. off we went to buy 3 boxes for the boutique den left ikea & i drove to giant. guess wad, i needed to make a U-turn, in the end my U-turn failed. i panicked & tried reversing, apparently the car didnt move. i was stuck at the traffic light post den there were pedestrians dere all watching me. worse still, cars all behind watching as well, giving way to me, i was so embarrassed. all heads in the cars were looking at me & they were laughing =.= just one right-turn traffic light, i was the only car that crossed over cos i jammed the rest behind =.= managed to turn, dad was lecturing me T_T i kept laughing non-stop haha. went giant was so bored cos it was just finding jeans for bro & dad for our korea trip. decided to go there buy as it's cheap+they can only wear once cos need to buy super big de so can wear the long john inside..

after giant, dad dropped mum, bro & i at far east. went to far east saw the miumiu dress so nice, mum wanted to buy den many pple were looking at the dress when they walked past when my mum fitted it onto me.. it's 99 bucks. mum wanted to buy but i told her not to becos it's so expensive. went osmose nth much den went wisma & went osmose also lols den bought clothes frm dere zz den dad came to meet us. went body shop bought facial cleanser, make up remover etc. den went taka best denki, mum bought canon digi camera again. my hse all full of canon digi cameras. saw my vacuum side ex colleagues didnt go over cos dont dare haha. but some at tv, customer service, digi cams recognised me & smiled at me haha even the jap supervisor remembered me o.o after that bought my favourite cheese sausage prata at b2, went find mum at coach.. den went paragon cos mum needed to collect her bags at long champ.. after that went off to old airport road to eat. den went white hse road fetched sis from australian high commissioner. home sweet home.

sad im still sick, my cough was better at first when i finished the whole medication though i was still coughing.. 1 week later, my cough became worse and now it's terrible. 2 days ago, i cough so badly that i vomitted all the curry that i had for dinner. so painful, suddenly felt so lonely at that time..

today went grandma hse despite me being so sick. no choice played carrom board.. me and my bro practically just sat there cos we kept winning haha but i was missing so many shots cos i was too weak and drowsy.. there were 3 pairs of us.. 2 pairs play carrom, the other 2 pairs play daiti but one pair dun wanna play carrom.. i drank the cough mixture before that, hence feeling so drowsy. then it was bday celebration for my uncle den same time celebrate those bdays in december.. it's real heart warming cos most of us will celebrate our bdays at grandma's hse.. every year we'll definitely eat lots of bday cakes haha. went home drank cough mixture now im feeling so weak and drowsy again sigh.

wish him all the best in his studies and game :)

perhaps that was the only chance in our lifetime. end of dec, i'll change this whole blog.. maybe in this lifetime that will be the only memories left behind..

where is the 'me' which people once know. where's the strong spirit which i once have? why did i fall deeper and deeper into it?

took medicine, feeling so drowsy. parents go msia again, 3 times le since monday. hais no choice still need cook lunch for bro and myself..

monday
went school. drank so much water. throat still no change.

edited
tuesday
just came back from school. this morning dad fetched me to a bus stop to take my 151 bus. felt super cold though i was wearing so many layers. reached sch felt so hot, think got slight fever. msged my dad cos my parents are in msia today so they told me to see a doctor after sch. i still rmb last week my mum kept asking me to see a doctor cos of my sore throat but i refused thinking it's a sore throat only plus consultation fees are ex, seeing a doctor can cost more than 30 bucks. right now ive slight fever and i got to see the doctor myself.. wish i can recover quickly (:

last nite when i was going to sleep, i coughed badly can hear phelgm at my throat, i nearly choked cos cant breathe. my nose is blocked too. my voice became worse, for a moment i can talk, a moment i lost my voice. i thought a fever would be coming my way. when i woke up this morning it was terrible. i feel sick and the weather was so cold, it gonna rain i guess. den all of a sudden, i felt so cold and lonely. i was thinking everyone has their own troubles and problems, i dont want to trouble anyone. study study study, hope i can do that and wish i got supersonic memory to memorise so many stuffs! right now is concentrate concentrate concentrate, cant wander my mind off somewhere else. hais my birthday is another headache.

went great world yesterday, dad fetched me there. all of a sudden i forgot where's great world and when i reached there i rmbed haha i went there with my cca pple for micromouse competition twice!!! how can i forget those happy memories there! we won the cutest mouse competition haha and all of us tot we wouldnt win cos our robot was dressed like a normal mouse whereas others look so professional eg a big JustTea drink packaging, many many different designs.. everyone was shocked why the judge chose our mouse cos it fulfills the theme cutest mouse ma haha. i still rmb i was standing at the stage area den all of us got no hopes at all. my cca pple were all sitting upstairs watching.. den when she announced our school i was like !!! den i was so nervous went up on stage shaked hands and recd the trophy, super alot of students, need to look at cameras too z. i still rmb it was chuiying and others who wrapped the robot up like a mouse.. all of us were so happy! after which when i graduated, heard frm emily they won the cutest mouse again lols! kk back to yesterday.. went mac cafe to drink since it was early for the movie.. watched madagascar escape 2 africa till 6, before watching it i tot it would be quite boring cos when i watched the 1st madagscar movie, it wasnt that nice. i was wrong! madagascar escape 2 africa was so nice!! it was touching too cos alex(lion) reunited with his parents.. melman(giraffe) confessed his love to gloria(hippo) and it was so sweet, it wasnt those sweet talkings like that moto moto(hippo) who tried to go after gloria cos he likes her but it wasnt love cos he dont even know what gloria wants and wad he likes about her. melman knew everything of gloria, he knows what she's thinking, everything, he cant do without her, as long as he has her, he's always happy. it was really sweet and romantic. after movie ate at Go Thai till 8.. walked ard went burger king to chit chat till 9 something.. i was dropped at redhill station den i took train home. reached home at 10 something ba.. i feel so bad, her fren dont wanna take the money ZZZ.

thnks alot baby (:

oh gosh 2 days ago i had sore throat, i thought i was fine after i gargled salt water. today i nearly lost my voice & it sounds so sore like a guy voice already o.0 those who called me today all asked me who am i, they tot it was a guy z i feel so... went boutique to help out with my aunty. business was quiet, now the market is not good as well that's why. lee kuan yew told us not to spend cos we never know there may be a crisis that will be approaching. helped bro awhile with his school flagday as well for his school foundation, my parents brought him to amara so i stood wif him outside tanjong pajar station. i was reminded of my sec sch flagday haha with my cca pple, fun!after which went over buy lunch cheap! 2 bucks only. did stock taking, counting and carrying up and down those clothes stocks. soon evening came, went food expo.. ate so many stuffs.. sharkfin, my favourite prata sausage haha those at taka knows, one spoon of laksa, tried many food, drinks.. home sweet home after that. cant wait for tmr! im fine no worries. i hope so.

flashing back to last dec, christmas, den it was new year, release of O results, still rmbed how worrying it was cos.. he made it.. how i went thru one by one to see which course can be entered and to make sure i'll choose the right course for him and see if it's beneficial cos it concerns his future.. i really treat it like im choosing my own school cos i was so anxious abt it. it was nth to boast about but i was just glad i get the privilege to be able to choose for.... den posting results came, was really overjoyed to see it was the first choice being given while others were not.. still rmbed he refusing to tell & tricking me abt the school and courses he was posted to ROAR haha. soon sch started, many books to buy, busier.. and it goes on.. all these are memories.. the past i guess? time to move on.

guess im too crazy le ba.. im obessessed with it that's why.


i better start my revision already!! feb is coming!! prelims time!!

i got to study hard! work hard for future.. next time be a housewife, stay home teach the kids their school work, prepare meals for whole family etc..

gone.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KH! <3

will the good old days be back? how i wish it will.

i wish for a miracle.
just a simple wish..
to be with him for a lifetime.

the once bubbly & cheerful girl is gone,
her life aint the same anymore.
every nite without fail she dreams of him
but all were sad & heart-aching dreams.
she woke up crying every nite,
wishing the dreams wont come true.

school is like a chore to her,
she controls her tears all the time.
heads straight home after school
so that she can let go and cry.
crying is the only solution,
so that she will feel better.

i really love you alot. i seriously do. Lord, why torture me like this.

10 mths passed, soon it will be 1 year. how fast time passes, many memories etched in my mind and heart, frm last christmas till now, soon it will be christmas again. wondering how's he doing, should be fine i guess.


best wishes to him.

after i hanged up the phone, i cried bitterly. torturing. i really miss him alot. but studies now. i realised i did change, i didnt think as much as last time alr.. im just going to enjoy my life wif my girlfrens.. just lead a loner life. now's so cold, hope he's fine..

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

edited.

last sunday was out whole day and i drove that day to and fro fetching cousins, relatives from one place to another. one of my aunt and uncle made nasi lemak for dinner and they made otah. omgosh so many ingredients super tedious. they made 3 different types of otah. one is just plain fish otah, the other wif prawns and the other with sweet potato. they cooked it at the stove with the charcoal de. really interesting to see how my aunt and uncle made otah. den mum and sis massaging the chicken cos cooking emperor chicken. on that day, it was a super wide spread and all 6 families came down to eat tog, real crowded and it was a sumptuous meal, more than 15 plates of dishes on the table. got zhujiao, emperor chicken, 2 different types of big deep fried chicken wings, spareribs with mushroom, kangkong, cauliflower&broccoli mixed veg, chili ikan bilis, otahs, fried egg, fried fish and of course the choice of nasi lemak rice or plain rice. we had so much to eat haha.

past few days busy with school, tiring. now home coms super lousy cos sis lappy spoilt last week still repairing den she's using acer lappy. den ibm lappy just reformated super lag cos no space at all.. today attended marketing lecture, raining hence i was abit late but when i entered was shocked to see so little pple lols but soon many pple entered. most of us were late cos of rain that causes a big jam outside our school and ngee ann poly. after lecture we went megabites but full went over to canteen and accompany the girl (forgot her name) to buy her drink den she went off for lecture. so both of us just walked around sim looking at bazaar at the atrium and this fren saw 3 girlfrens and intro them zz. so we walked tog and went bus stop den all sat 151 cos i need to take that bus home while they alighted few stops to go town. met bro at hougang mall for lunch... back home.. den sis' fren came.. helped them with jigsaw puzzle for fren's bday present. 1000 pieces!! took hours till parents came back at 8 something.

all are lies? of all people, why must do those actions to me? so many years of friendship alr sigh. i dislike it when pple lie and hide from me.

something is wrong with all my blog posts. this post being cut, another post published wrongly sian.. all dates and times published are also wrong. even msn also had troubleshooting error pop up, cant sign in at all. think this old lappy got virus already, no anti virus software at all.

went sakura tampines safra ate dinner with family yest to treat my sis's fren at the same time cos he repaired the ibm lappy. coincidentally, saw my aunt, uncle and cousins haha and we were so shocked and we waved happily. then cousins came over talk with us then we go get food tog.. so crowded yest. ate till so full.. i love the strawberry frozen thingy. after which me and dad just went in jackpot room to take a look and watch pple play, wow the bets were so high. drop sis's fren at paya lebar station den home sweet home.

6 modules to conquer. wow i paid so much attention to MSM (management science methods) today. the chapter today was quite manageable and it was fun haha as well cos it has something to do with those maths pattern stuffs. oh gosh quite a number of assignments are due for submission at the last week of oct. yesterday queen, same marketing lecture as me kept asking me to join netball but i dont wanna join any cca just concentrate on studies besides the training will be held at another place with other sports ccas! cant imagine under the hot scorching sun..

channel 8 repeated drama serial ending at 11pm was so nice. happy families. the last part was nice when all of them were at the park.. alrights 12 le nites.

i was watching channel 8 and channel U drama serials, they were all stories of families.. channel U 10pm show was ridiculous but the adorable small girl yongyi is so cute and sweet. the way she talks is really so cute aww.. since young i love babies and kids alot.. my small cousins are sooo cute :]]

i still rmb watching this nanny daddy.. the baby nicole in there is so cute :]] reminds me of my cousin johnathon.. so cutee when he laughs showing 2 small teeth haha. thruout my life, i seen many of my cousins since baby and still remembering taking care of them, running after them just to feed them, watching over them and playing with them at playground.. still rmb my 5 year old cousin stayed over my hse and i took care of her during the 5 days - bathe, schoolwork, meals, make milk in milk bottle etc. their laughter and smiles brighten your day up.. it will be nice to start a simple family with children.. so sweet and so xin fu..

gone are the good old days. will the good days come back?

i had corporate finance lecture yesterday. though the teacher was boring but i must say she has vast knowledge of this module, she was explaining everything in detail step by step for tutorial so that we can understand. i heard from joyce that her FI lecturer cannot make it, the lecturer couldnt even explain to them when questions were being asked. prior to that, she made them answer true or false questions yet no explanation was given why it was true/false. anyway back to yest, went home after corporate finance, went to meet bro and ate lunch at hougang mall. bro wanted to eat mac so ate there. after lunch headed home.. went bible study at night, it's ending on the 1st week of november. at last the book of matthew has came to an end.. mum fetched me, bought dinner back to eat. while eating, watched that channel U police show.. etc.. my clique which is my girlfrens all concentrating on studies, putting r/s aside cos they wont wan to affect their studies. all of us will work hard together and get good results.

since my piano exam's over, ive been practising this blog song, a very meaningful & impt song in my heart. thank God, i can go grade 8 le. i stopped my piano for so long since beginning 2003 due to Os and As..



waiting..

study hard too.
all the best :]

today was supposed to meet at 3pm but i simply got no mood at all, i wanted to tell my fren i dont wan to meet but cant. reached there only at 4pm.. in the end bought a card at borders only, decided to treat her.. so walked from borders to the cathay at dhoby ghaut there. ate at aston specialities, no idea wad to call so called beef bologa, cream of mushroom included and thought it would be fine but it's not at all. drank cafe mocca. so many pple lining up and it's open air so those pple queuing can see u eating rite infront so wierd. after that went ps they bought those deserts fruits, some ice thingy frm taiwan. didnt order at all juz watch them eat, juz wan to get home asap. den they wan go carrefour so went in the end nth le so said go home.. all of them know i no mood at all cos didnt even talk just stare into air..

learnt my lesson
im waiting, definitely.
nth can change my mind,
dont ask me why,
simply becos i love him too much.

had not been blogging lately. cousin's wedding successful. great experience at reception though most of the time my aunt and uncle are the ones attending to them haha. sch started alr so bored. i wish time will pass quickly. oct is nearing den nov :]]] one important day at beginning nov. soon it will be christmas den new year again real fast. hope everything's going fine for me and him.

kh
missya
loveya

cousin's wedding at swissotel the stamford 31st aug. tmr!! cant wait, need to wake up early tmr and out whole day till nite. tiring day but fun can help in wedding reception wif sis and cousin's sis. still rmb helping emily since she planned her bro's whole wedding but i didnt help much lols. cant wait haha :] very excited.

at that moment when i made that decision last wed, i know i shldnt have any regrets. right now i want to work doubly hard to do well for this degree and hopefully get on with a master degree. time will pass fast. sch's starting in mid sept only, after which oct, nov, dec, jan, feb lessons are ending and it's prelims in march so fast, revision classes followed by that then real exams in may. i must buck up study hard though i know i will not do well for first year, luckily they are only foundation units. cant wait for this sunday reception area!!! so excited, need to go early in the morning i guess if my parents wan to go for tea ceremony and if they cant find a guy to open the wedding door.

today was quite okies :]] shall update later.

i know the truth already. so shocking and i know what decision to make already.

what can i do? nothing just wait. tell everyone im alright yet im not. i force myself to eat, force myself to sleep yet cannot force myself to do it. everytime want to sleep at 2am, lie on bed cant sleep, tossing and turning, crying to myself, eventually slept at 4 then always wake up at 8am cant sleep back cos wake up think of him, tears dripped down but what can i do? my mood down all the way. even last nite's training never even train properly gain 30% only, every nite i can up one level if not 90 over % juz last nite, mood totally down. pple ask me if im fine, i put on a brave front and said im, deep in my heart, im not. no laughter, no joy in my life alr. no matter how funny is it i also cant laugh. i can do is cry and wait. i learnt my lesson. no smile on me at all. i see how worried my parents are. they're usually worried abt my bro not eating but now they're worried abt me not eating only. i prayed to God, leaving all my troubles to him yet im still so emotional. Lord, help me pls, i really cannot take it. i really miss him alot. i type this now and im crying so painfully, so xinku. im glad that im able to msg him and talk to him in ms, i cant expect for more, i miss talking to him on phone too. i really cant do without him, cant live without him. now my life becomes so useless, whole day i didnt do anything at all just go in ms so that im able to see him talk. i really cant take it if touch wood he goes to heaven, i'll be crying like mad, cant get a proper life. it's not easy to forget someone when both of u are deep in it with true love.


4th day.

whenever i listened to my blog song, my tears start to drip down. i feel so terrible. the song which i promised to play to him, i dont have the chance to play now. i really wish for miracle to happen.

this is so suffering. all my sorrows are hidden inside, all i can do is cry secretly in toilet, cry when my parents are not in, the rest of the time like now when my parents are in, i controlled myself so hard. this is the worse i ever experienced in my life. sometimes i really want to question God why!!! God plans for everything, he has a purpose or sometimes a lesson to be learnt by us. my mood totally goes down 24 hours everyday, no laughter nth. yest dinner i forced myself to eat the food. i ate so little, got 2 leftover doufu parents tell me eat, the whole plate of doufu and prawns i never eat at all hence i need to eat, i juz stuff the whole doufu inside my mouth. this morning wake up so empty, i cried. now bloggin also wan to cry, controlling myself. mum knows something is wrong, hence i played ms she never nag at all tell me go settle and do my things first. i wan to help my parents do hsework now even ironing i dont even have the mood. i cried and ironed yest, seriously cannot take it, i stopped ironing. i cant tell my parents what's going on, either can i tell my siblings. no one knows what happened. no idea why first time in my life i refused to let go and never think of other choices, i only want one and only of that choice. i see dad moping floor sweating like mad, i feel so terrible after that afternoon my parents still need to go to office to work. i feel so useless in everything, i feel so xinku, why is my life like that? to everyone, when u found the right person in your life, remember to cherish that person, every single moment treasure it, dont wait till the last minute when it's too late for u to regret like the useless me.


2nd day

life's getting worse for me. no appetite, no mood. it's worse ever. mum even asked me today why i looked so tired. sorry for everything, i regretted. ive no idea what u doing but i know u want to play hard and study hard. just to let you know, i'll be waiting. no idea if now u'll still be reading my blog. i wish u will.

1day

hope life is getting better each day. pretty slack at home, sch's starting soon, hectic life again but probably good keep my mind occupied. yeah play hard study hard, pray that i dont give any nonsense but hope u know what ur doing. 2 more weeks or so to wedding. went facial today few mths didnt go there le, the beauticians said my looks changed lols. true, my looks indeed changed haha. hope i'll get what i want, just a simple wish to be fulfilled :]]

Thank God i passed my driving for 1st attempt on 1st august. have been driving parents' car recently, cars honking here and there, rather dangerous. yeah practice makes perfect, i've to get used to auto cars since most of the cars are auto now. hope i'll be able to drive safely in no time :]

beijing olympics is wonderful. the opening ceremony was grand and all the dancers are really good. went beijing last dec, the big scenary pic on this blog is from beijing with my family and tour grp members in the background. we saw the bird nest stadium and the rectangular shape block which has lots of bubbles shape which i guess the swimming competitions are held in there. im glad i went beijing last dec, it was the olympics mood alr. everywhere u can see the 5 dolls -beibei,jingjing,huanhuan,yingying,nini, beggars selling imitations, the olympics store which sells the original and the softtoys of those dolls were huge. didnt buy back any cos it was costly but my tour grp pple bought. watching the olympics on tv, i saw many different events - weightlifting, basketball, swimming, badminton, gynastics. china gynastics are real good, they obtained gold medal. michael phleps is so fast when he swims, he got so many gold medals alr. it was sad that tao li got 5th in her 100m butterfly but anw it was a good job since it's a world event. basketball was really exciting. saw china playing against usa, even president george bush was there to watch. the basketballers were so quick and fast, their reactions were fast and they were alert. so many 3 points throw were made, it seems so easy to them. it was my first time also to see yao ming play on tv, the chinese are patriotic, they're so united when their national anthem was played unlike usa.

national day is tomorrow. i wish i'll be able to watch the parade live one day in the future when im married lols . so fast many mths passed and my school is going to start soon :( back to the boring school life but just hope everything goes fine. gonna buck up and mug all the way.

there were so many weddings that took place this year. i cant wait for 31st August, my cousin's wedding. probably seeing many of young adults since my cousin is 28 and his sister is 23. my cousin's sis, my sis and i are going to be under the reception area, just 3 of us. so excited :] it's going to be held at swissotel. the last wedding i attended was emily's bro wedding in march this year, was scary cos she planned the whole wedding wow. on july 26, there were 2 weddings but i was working hence i cant attend awww. i cant wait to have my own wedding lols.

the apple is still there. no space at all but i'll never eat the apple up.

busy with housework since there isnt any domestic helper. mostly ironing stuffs, washing dishes..

i know what to do already..

things are getting better :]

maid was sent back to agency for some reasons.

hais wishing that i would be cared for yet it's not the people i want it from.

i am missing you so much. thinking of you all day long. wondering what are u doing now. fate brought us together just remembering how we met each other despite the 20 channels all occupied at that time. i have just one simple wish, wishing you are back to me. right now i have decided to wait, no one can stop me. it's different from my past when it wasnt love at all hence waiting is useless. But for you i know u once loved me. how about now? i cried at store for more than 5 times there were more than 50 promoters there, all saw me crying only some know i am crying because i am thinking of you. it's the worst pain i ever experienced because u are the first who truly loves me and makes me feel like i am your only one. I thought that i will be alright since i am working, work will occupy my mind. WRONG, instead i didnt even promote anything at all because my whole mind is filled with you only. the supervisor saw me missing for many times and for very long. i was hiding at one corner of the store crying, i want to stop myself from crying, i stopped but immediately i cried again when i think of you. some people walked past and got a shock cos i was hiding at a corner. they thought they met a ghost or what cos my whole face was red and my eyes were totally red as well moreover it was at a corner which they cant see unless they turn back.
right now all i can do is to wait. I WILL BE AND I AM ALREADY WAITING.

Wishing that you are by my side,

Hoping that this will be real.

Arrows piercing through my heart

Whenever i feel green with jealousy.

Nothing of this has been felt before in my life,

You are the first one who is able to do that.

The feeling is totally different from my past,

It's not anger but pure jealousy.

Things are not as simple as it is,

It isnt a day's happening.

Crying will not make you come back,

But at least that's the only way for me to pour out.

If keeping everything in my heart,

I am not sure if i will turn crazy one day.

I really thank God for bringing you into my life,

At least you are the only one i have no regrets at all.

this which i sent to you before may.

Growing with you each day,
You are my everything.
Over all tides and waves,
Happy is still what we are.
Over all tests and hurdles,
No matter what happens,
Guohong, guohong
UR MINE!

sigh everyday i am crying i feel so hurt when the person i love most scolded me rudely. if it is a friend scolding you, u will already feel so terrible what more yr love one who scolded you.

the counter is there. yes from 800 over days decreasing to 600 over already. im determined! soon my second year will start and after which need to really study hard, do well for exams, year 2 has ended. by the time left 360 over days only.. so excited. then 3rd year over left 30 over days. now im thinking, counter is wrong alr.. shld be year 2011. more days added sigh. think after uni i'll do masters, just nice when he comes out. hais why is my character like that. in real life, im known to be a quiet and timid person. ask all my pri and sec sch frens, im well known in sch for one of the quietest and guai girl. thinking back, time really pass so fast..

reflecting back on the past mths, thinking the times when we were so happy talking on msn everyday. i was so glad abt my name in his phone. my msges thruout his inbox. when my exams came, he helped me alot. at least someone was there to motivate me, prevent me from touching the computer hence i never update my blog nor even go in msn at all. it's surprising that i didnt use the com much. yep it's for my own good for him to do that. my mum for that few mths didnt scold me at all regarding the computer. never ever. i should tone down myself when im online. my real life personality and online personality is so different. indeed when pple is online they will tend to talk whatever they want to since they're not facing the person. for example when im in ms, if someone provokes me, i'll scold the person like mad, shoot that person non stop. however in real life for example my workplace, the person provokes me, i didnt even dare to scold back. i just ignored. real life is real life, virtual is virtual. still rmb the past, during that 1 mth, i didnt even quarrel with the person at all. not even one small quabble. i dont even dare to talk much hence we're outside, the whole atmosphere so wierd. i only quarrelled with him after ending. quarrelled thru online not real life. real life i dont even dare say all these. in real life, i dont quarrel with pple at all. NONE! real life my behaviour is like.. hmm.. pple call me qian jin xiao jie. totally different.

today my mood was up and down. up cos he told me to stay to see him level. omgosh i was so happy =] immediately my mood went up by so much, i was no longer sad. later after that juz only sigh im really sorry. i was too agitated. i talk to pple on phone also different. real life i tend to hide from pple and run away. im shy. during work i stand at my counter never talk to the promoters. one came over and ask me why u dont wan come over and talk not bored meh. i said no not bored ma, juz stand there and dream. i was thinking of him, thinking of him is good enough why go over and talk to them. juz one more time, i cant provoke him. why am i so easily jealous, i must think of the past when i did just the same. yeah i know how he feels but only now then i know it. sighh too late le. i must get the taste of it then i know. ok just endure and close one eye. i must rmb we're frens though 3 years deal is on. still rmb that time get married, i still talking on the phone with him. so nice :] thinking of the scene makes me so happy, grinning from ear to ear. alright i go sleep le.

my mum scolded me like hell for playing ms every single day. problem is what can i do? i wanna win them not only that, that's the only chance of me talking to him. everyone in my family said im addicted. nope im not at all. if there're other ways of communicating with each other, why i bother going in there to play all the time. hais last nite i cant sleep kept thinking of what happened inside there. still rmb he asking pple to accompany him. what am i there for then? so what she's alr married? what if i asked ku to pei me isnt it wierd? not only that still ask if she's his best fren. i feel so rejected and so terrible. last nite cant sleep kept crying. now eyes swollen. is God trying to tell me to forget him? are those actions he did to tell me something? his nick alr changed so much. no more mr goh. still rmb the msges i sent to him, poems, sorry msges.. i read all of them last nite. as i read, i cried even harder. sometimes, i really feel like questioning God, i know there's a purpose and lesson learnt for what he's doing. right now life is so torturing, thinking of him all day long yet not able to get hold of him. what a failure and useless person am i.

blog a post at last. life is full of decisions. once decided, there should not be any regrets. why is my life always like that. so complicated. everytime i must always get into this situation. WHY??? my wish is very simple. i really wish for it to come true.

wish ur by my side.

EXAMS EXAMS!! ended at last but tedious revision lessons are coming soon after which is the final exams in MAY!! prelims aint like prelims more of just sitting there and staring at the papers lols.

1st March
the night be4 was busy calling each other to see who's booking the movie tixs for JUNO online.. in the end michelle booked the cathay one at 3.15pm. she's fast lol cos actually they asked me to book online.. decided to watch juno cos we arranged to go hippo tour and dhl balloon rite.. but ps called the weather station LOL then they said the next day raining so we knew probably dhl balloon cannot le cos they dun operate on bad weathers. anw all the rides are free for us cos ps's dad's in that company so free yippie.. the hippo tour was 12.05pm or 2pm so we chose 2pm since it will rain.. oh ya wanted to watch musical fountain at nite as well then free actually but ps later said need to pay 6 bucks..

finally met them at 1pm but everyone was late... i was latest reached ard 1.20pm.. walked all the way to suntec city.. saw the s8 guy at citylink.. saw a gay couple lol too. reached suntec me and joyce decided to buy that dou sau that bun thingy frm food republic.. you tiao still frying so never buy. ps and michelle went starbucks buy drinks. waited for them then they came.. ps said late alr need to go board the hippo tour alr. then we rushed all the way there.. rushed to the road full of duck and hippo tours.. then juz followed ps board the hippo tour.. lols everyone waiting for us.. we went all the way up the deck.. all ah mohs haha we sat last row cos drizzling.. then ps went front to sit. the tour was round little india, kampong glam and chinatown.. me and joyce like tourists kept taking photos LOL. then suddenly ps dad came up told him that we alight at chinatown there cos it's near 3 le then movie at 3.15.. so we alighted at chinatown took to dhoby gaut walked to the cathay and watched juno there. juno not bad ba.. but really that nice.. muz understand their english cos sometimes they speak too fast cant catch wad they talking and that parts are funny zz. after movie went ps.. dunno where to eat in the end decided to eat at pastamania.. order that pasta chicken bal something.. nice.. after that went sportslink to see.. so many pple cos got sales... after that took train wif joyce.. i went cityhall then walked to suntec to meet parents and bro.. carrefour.. back home..

we decided to meet one day juz to sit all the rides cos ps said duck tour also free. so one day we'll sit all the rides on one day.. hippo tour, duck tour and dhl balloon YIPPIE!!!

another day then put up pics for the hippotour bus and chingay floats and performance..

15 Feb
super busy day cos need to find many pple to go chingay.. got many extra tix.. that day i also had my 3rd driving lesson frm 2 to 3.30.. i learnt frm a private instructor.. he told me to take the test at end april YEA! then after lesson see so many missed calls.. arrange this arrange that..
went chingay preview at evening time.. thnks juson for free tixs.. his bro is the chairman of the chingay procession so cool la.. then incharged of ticketing too tt's why last year i went chingay too and sat at the stage position there too!!! beginning i tot cant get tix frm him cos he recd no reply frm his bro. on thurs nite he msged to tell me he got 14 tix for me!! his bro turned down many pple cos i told him my relatives all wanna go.. then my relatives some cant make it. then got extra tixs.. so called darren and derick along then waiting for them at cityhall at 7pm then dots said they not coming.. i never recd darren's msg ZZ. saw my mum side uncle's family LOL. they bought the chingay tix online and were given city hall (side B).. we got the cityhall(centre) seats.. i went the website and see it was 50 bucks for one tix la!! we sat directly infront of the stage!! super nice.. i had a hard time cos my relatives came frm 2 different sides and they arrived late.. i walked in and out of the entrance to the seats and the helpers there knew me le LOL. i walked more than 5 times in and out so it's like they never even check if i got the chop or the tixs.. HAHA. found laura's family at last and they were at supreme court ZZ plus there there isnt any entrance.. my uncle passed his phone to those student helpers and they're asking me where are u blah blah.. then found them.. then they help me pass the tix to my uncle and aunt.. i walked across the front of all the seats across padang so many times till some were thinking why i walk up and down.. my handphone super busy.. 3,4 pple calling me at same time.. i super tensed up then the helper there telling me cool down.. relax LOL when i was talking on the phone wif her.. then found shu yun and her mum then i told them paul and karyl were there then my aunt juz HII loudly and kept WAVING.. i so paiseh cos everyone sitting down only us standing.. that time was alr 8.20pm.. then i walked that time next to barrier then michelle chia and gurmit singh there =) managed to go back to my seats at 8.30pm.. then PM LEE came omgosh la then he walked to a small road there everyone thinking for wad.. then the MC said he went to see the REDBULL.. i was thinking wad's redbull then didnt know till later on the F1 formula car REDBULL CAME OUT COOL!!! then got one part all the different sportscar came out omgosh SO NICE!!! the colours so nice!! different designs also haf.. then PM LEE pressed the button to start the chingay procession.. then fireworks and FIRECRACKERS!!! SO LOUD AND the whole sky was CLOUDY!! then i found red stuffs on me.. those firecrackers de.. super NICE!! the floats as usual colourful, not bad.. the whole place chaotic as usual.. but this year held at padang better!! i told juson following years hold at padang better.. he said will give the feedback to his bro LOL.. then after which my bro and parents came during the firecrackers cos they went meet the parents session and bro's school.. then bro, aunt, uncle and laura came over to my side to see cos got 9 empty seats.. facing directly infront of the stage seeing all the performance super clear!! then those performers will throw those souvenirs stuffs like handbands and a paper saucer.. then my mum said she tried to catch too lol.. my cousins over that side also.. i heard my uncle (mum's bro) catch the saucer too.. my another uncle (dad's bro) catch the saucer infront of our eyes super fast. all of us shocked LOL!! then the back pple were like aiya cant get it lol. then got one float they pass down a blue cloth over then everyone passing up... then the last float also passing string down.. then last float xinyi wanted to go toilet.. so went wif bro and me.. then i was like make a quick one cos fireworks coming.. then we're the only 3 pple walking at the barrier there.. then saw michelle chia juz next to barrier only.. then went toilet at the back of the seats.. then walked back quickly leaving them behind walking slowly ZZ then i juz enter the seats area fireworks start!! then i faster walk back quite far cos need to walk to centre of all the seats.. then sat there and see all the fireworks.. NICE!!!! everything ended at 11pm.. went 2 different hses to send relatives home. my dad's car got 6 of us sitting behind squeezy lols.. then reached home quite late alr.. OVERALL FUN!!! took many pictures next time then put it up here no time exams now.. next year im gg again LOL..

16 Feb
My parents invited all my dad's side relatives over for a steamboat dinner cos my hse got cny celebration at function room then got lion dance all these. some cant make it cos got their husband's there reunion to attend.. soon everyone came le.. got 2 steamboats.. ate and watch chingay same time.. then my family and laura's family were like saying wad's gg to happen haha. then suddenly ate steamboat.. both steamboat no electricity.. then some lights were off.. tv also automatically off. got trip.. so tot the 1st plug of suspension coil spoil so change to second and third de.. then tripped again.. so tot whole suspension coil spoiled so took another one.. then plug in one steamboat first then ok.. then the other steamboat use another suspension coil then tripped again we know it's the steamboat problem then.. then my cousin said before tt that he smelt something burning frm the steamboat.. soldering smell like tt.. in the end used one steamboat but anw most of us alr finished eating phew.. actually 2 steamboats cant put together in one suspension coil cos 2 of it burning 200 over degrees each.. after which watched chingay then some went home left one family.. played wif grace.. then she rolled those balls and threw them so cuteeee!! i took video of her.. my bro took as well and my laughters can be heard haha..

18 Feb
Dad's bday!! made a card for him wif colourful paper and transparency.. nite time went eastpoint mall Han's River to eat the steamboat cum bbq.. we ate there for more than 10 times le haha. ate till so full.. went home cut cake.. coffee cake frm bengawan solo cos that time 3 weeks ago my bday bought chocolate cake..

23 Feb
START of EXAMS!! econs paper today.. luckily jiaying called joyce to tell us it's lecture 3.01.. it was 10am le.. when i entered there were abt 50 odd pple only.. i tot so little pple.. then realised the whole hall 4.03 is full hence told us to go down.. cos there were more than 1000 pple taking econs.. the 4 of us sat across the row.. paper started at 10.06am end at 1.06pm.. huishan left at 12.35.. then joyce left 10 mins later, then jiaying left a min later followed by me following behind jiaying lols.. then joyce waiting for us outside.. both of them waited wif me till my dad came at 1.20pm.. went home helped mum wif preparation cos her frens coming over for gathering or rather vistation.. they have not seen the hse be4 even though we're staying here to near 4 years le.. anw most of my frens also have not been here be4 haha.. went down wif bro find mum's frens.. soon all arrive.. ate.. whole hse tour.. showing them pictures of beijing and also video that was taken by the camerawoman in beijing.. everyone laughing at me lolss cos of great wall thingy..

valentine's tmr sadded la.. nvm we still haf other years :) shaguaaa..